Hello, <P>As the days go by the reality of a plan B is becoming clearer. I am currently in plan A, it has done wonders for me personally. While I continue with my plan A, I have been working on my plan B. I've drafted my letter(thanks Jim. , I'm arranging my finances, thinking about how to address the kids about this (they're 7 and 5 and obtain most of their emotional support from me)and started to test the rental market.<P>My problem is that I do not feel that I should be the one to go for the following reasons:<P>I have been the one, for the last year, that has held down the fort. I do 80% of the inside house work and all of the outside work. <P>I've reconnected with my children and we have a very tight bond. Plus my wifes lifestyle is that of a 20 year old college student. This scares me because of the irresponsible actions she has done and continues to do that could put our children's future in danger. I DO NOT WANT THEM AROUND THIS LIFESTYLE! If I leave I'm afraid she will bring this lifestyle home with her.<P>She is about emotionally unstable as you can get right now. She's fighting it, but I see a melt down coming and there's nothing more I can do to help her. The ball is in her court now.<P>Because of the financial hardship my ex-business put us in, her mother has kept us afloat. She has said,"If we separate, I'm not going anywhere, you havn't contributed a dime to this house." Which is totally false. In the last 8 years, I generated a $15,000 profit from our first house and $10,000 from our last house with the sweat of my brow. We used this money to "trade up" to our current house. Although not much, I've contributed all the $$$ I could from my business. I'm an expert window shopper. <P>My gut tells me to show her the door. If she resists what are my options?<P>I should add that I'm contacting my attorney today about these issues.<P>thanks for listening,<BR>Ray <p>[This message has been edited by Raysofhope (edited January 31, 2001).]

Ray,<P>Don't leave...<BR>Don't ever leave...<BR>Please... don't leave!!!<P>This is the first bit of advice I offer to any father or mother who has become the FS(Faithful Spouse) [I much prefer FS to BS] !<P>The WS has to know the consequences of their actions...<BR>...and should not be aided by you!<P>Part of Plan B preparation...<BR>...is how to take care of the kids when she moves out...<BR>...it's not easy...<BR>...and child care isn't cheap!<P>Remember... you can't force her out...<BR>...no changing locks or anything like that...<P>All you can do is...<BR>...a better Plan A...<BR>...that will make her think about leaving...<BR>...and oh and yes... let her know know your commitment to be with the kids... <B>always</B>...<BR>......and the stability of staying in the home is important!!!<BR>.....this kind of honesty is necessary... and even if it seems like an LB.<P>As far as the house is concerned...<BR>...if taken to court...<BR>...it's 50% yours and 50% hers... almost no matter what!<P><BR>

I can only say that I would not be the one to leave...let her be the one. You stay in your house and be with the kids.