Hi all..<BR>1st time post and I am nervous so, here goes...<P>We have been married almost 13 yrs. Have 2 girls. H has been having affair for 7 months with a now 18 yr old girl from work. He is 38. The girl no longer works for us but H had her transferred to a location 6 blks from home AND is also working at another location not too far from our business. He has come back and forth between home and staying at an apt w/ a friend of a friend who is also divorcing. The first 4 weeks after discovery, I totally flipped out making demands and such. Wish I would have found this site sooner. I found out 12/21 about all this. Happy friggin holiday eh? Well, It was a horrid Xmas. I have been doing the best I can Plan Aing to death. OP is in daily contact and its driving me batty. I am now slowly getting answers from him. Its taking time. H told me this weekend he still loves me and IS in love with me. I feel its a start but this will be a long journey ahead. I consulted a Lawyer but its not what I want and if I do get a D, we will lose our business that we worked hard to get. The OP told H in a voice mail that she dosen't care about what happens. She will make this work between them. He has been cutting down on the contact w/ her but, she calls every day and etc. I have done no LBing in a while but I ask him when will he will sever contact and all I get is "I'm trying". the last few weeks he has been drinking heavily and that is a major concern because he's always been somewhat of a drinker. I have been hearing from frinds of OP that she is lying to everyone about her relationship w/H including her school counselor. I do feel that there are a couple people who may be incouraging him to maintain the Relationship w OP beacuse he is spending a lot of time with this person in a local tavern. This person is basically doing the same thing my H is but has been doing this in excess of 10+ yrs. My kids are shattered because they are old enough to know whats going on. The OP spent a lot of time w/ the family and at work. She was calling me Mom, telling me how bad her family was and the sort. She even went so far as to take my oldest Daughter aside and tell her that Daddy works hard for her and her sister but, Mom just dosen't care about you and would be better if I was out of the picture. 2 weeks before I found out the kids didn't want to see her. Now I know why. Anyways, In the last 8 weeks, I have tried to meet his EN as best I can without him putting up a wall. I am getting more answers to what he is feeling now but, this is hell on Earth. We have had 1 sided sex but, It hurts me when he's not really there. I am even working with him and taking over shifts for him. Which is hard because I feel like I am taking away from my kids at this point. He does not have any of his belongings in the drawers at home. He brings his clothes back and forth but no sign of him wanting to move back in and put things back. He is spending 90% of the time here with me and the kids. He says he is paid up with the friend at the apt for a couple weeks. Do I ask him if he wants to bring his clothes back? Do I keep stressing he needs to sever contact? I have suggested he write a NC letter but I get no response but "I'm trying". We have no extra $ to do anything like a date night or anything because business was real bad during the winter but its picking up. This has stressed the both of us too. He comes home and sits on the couch and watches TV with me and zones out. What more can I possibly do? I hve tried to get him to go to a MD to help him but he has canceled 2 apts. now. H went with me to 1 session w a conselor and spent 2/3rds of it in alone in the room. Counselor told me and H he needs to see someone on his own but he refuses. He has lied a lot of course but it seems he is telling me a lot more truth in the last week than before.. OP is supposed to be going to a local college in the fall. Whether or not she still is I don't know. The worst part of this I have been told by the OPs friends is she will NOT give up. The OP frends have worked for me in the past so I have a very good repore with them. I am told she is a true Drama Queen who thrives on this kind of attention. It seems like H is trying but I don't know what else to do! HELP!<BR>Thanks for listening and for any input.

Welcome <B>AngelBear</B>...<P>Hang tough in Plan A...<BR>...it is really your best course of action.<P>When you do talk to him...<BR>...no demands...<BR>...no forcing him to do anything<BR>...just express that your love for him is being hurt... by the continued contact.<P>You <B>can</B> express to him what your needs are...<BR>...and let him know that they need to be met...<BR>...but no threats<BR>...no retaliation<BR>...its just that the basic Love Bank concept is one you believe in...<BR>...and if he wants to really work on his marriage... it is up to him to self-educate himself!!!<P>Make sure <B>you</B> don't stuff down the "education" (directly) down his throat!<P>Stay the course...<BR>...and remember... Plan A is for you...<BR>...you make you a better W and person!<P> <P>Jim

~~~ AngelBear ~~~<P>Sorry for the mess your H has dragged you into. Sounds like you are handling yourself very well. Brava!<P>I have a terrible question to ask .... how do you know this 18-year-old won't get herself pregnant to hold on to your hubby? If I were in your shoes, I'd find a non-LBing way to bring the subject up (contraception that does NOT rely on HER). It has been known to happen ..... just cruise on over to the Pregnancy/Child board and the sad truth is this ..... some immature females will get pregnant in a lame attempt to snag a man.<P>Keep up the good job you're doing!<P>Take care, <P>------------------<BR>~*~*Yesterday~*~*<BR>all my problems seemed so far away~*<p>[This message has been edited by Yesterday (edited February 18, 2001).]