My husband has moved into a house with OW (my ex-bestfriend) and her children. One mile from my house. They have our 4 year old daughter every day while I'm at work (H used to look after her at home).<P>So every day I have to see her or him. I don't speak to her at all, but have to talk to him a bit about Emily. Also my house is still full of his stuff which he hasn't got time to shift yet as his work has got very behind with all this horrible business. So no contact is simply not an option.<P>But they expect me to be friends - 'come and have coffee', that sort of thing. I can't do that - Plan B or no Plan B, I simply cannot be with them, I would just cry all the time.<P>So, is this Plan B? I'm hoping their relationship won't last, everyone predicts it will fail. But they seem to be on a totally different planet, barely aware they've done anything wrong, and he seems irritated by the fact that I exist and occasionally show my pain.<P>Emma in UK

Dido,<P>You're in Plan B when you want to be...<P>Did you write the Plan B letter yet?...<BR>...give it to him...?<P>Work out "miminal" contact by having Emily exit the house without the OW...<P>Try to get as much as possible through writting...<BR>...in advance<BR>...by e-mail<BR>...by voice-mail / answering machine<P>You can't avoid some contact...<BR>...but you can do more to minimize contact...<BR>...and that's a key part of Plan B.<P> <P>Jim

Dido,<P>Just make every effort NOT to show pain in front of him. This won't bring him " out " of fog, or anything. Next time you drop off the kid, have a beau waiting in the car. ( even if it's a friend from work ).<BR>Ask the happy couple if they won't mind baby-sitting while you go on a date. Give a very good impression of getting on with your life, although right now you feel like #$%%^&.<BR>I wouldn't advise having coffee or socialising, but be pleasant.<P>Be strong<P>muzohead

Thanks for the good advice. Funnily enough in the last 2 weeks I've grown tougher, and husband kinder. When he delivers my daughter home, he sometimes comes in (I know, you'll all tell me not to) and hangs about, mentioning that he still loves me, misses me etc. If so why on earth leave????<P>I am determined to keep a friendship with him. I am also very unsure whether I would want him back even if he asked. I don't think the relationship with OW will last, although they've invested a great deal in it, both financially and in terms of what they've left behind. But I really suspect that I'm better off on my own, so is it ok to have friendship with ex-husband? I still feel a lot of love for him, mentally and physically, but I don't want to go back to the loneliness of having him in the house but rarely participating in marriage and family life (except for sex..). It's better being alone when he's NOT there than when he IS, if you see what I mean.<P>He and OW are beginning to feel the stresses, esp. with her 2 + our 1 children with them most of the day. OW is much more demanding than me and he confessed to feeling exhausted and drained. Good! If this relationship ends, and he spends some time on his own deciding what he really wants, then perhaps he could meet someone and be happy and I wouldn't mind, it could even be me, but a lot of work would need to be done before that.<P>from a much stronger Emma in the UK

Emma, Emma Emma<P>Our story is similar in that H moved out to OW #2 house about 2 weeks ago. I have 3 small kids 5,3,2 and she (a widow of 1 year) has 3 kids. (11?9?8?) Don't know their ages , don't care. Anyway, he takes them for EO weekend ( I hate it and think I might try to stop it, if possible) My h wants me to move on with my life, because he has moved on with his. This is his second A is less than 1 year. We have been married 13+ years. <P>If your h, is coming in house and being nice, etc. you might want to just hang and watch them. Go on with your life. My counselor told me that even if H came back, we would have to divorce in an emotional sort of way. The old marriagae didn't work and a new one has to be made. I said, Do I have to get a gown and have a ceremony? He said, if that is what it takes. Well, I am not there at all, actually deciding on my next step. <P>H had kids this weekend. I hope the novelty is starting to wear off. HOpe kids fight and cry and misbehave, etc. My h thinks it is good family enviornment at OW house. Who is he kidding, ONLY HIMSELF and I bet he reallly isn't fooling himself.<P><BR>Take care.<P>Hopelessmom

[QUOTE]Originally posted by hopelessmom:<BR>[B]Emma, Emma Emma<P>First, I bet you're NOT a hopeless mom, nor even a mom without hope! But you've certainly got a lot on your hands with 3 small kids. Unbelievable how a man can do that to you.<P>But think hard before you try and cut off their contact with their father, unless he's abusive or something. I'm very keen Emily has lots of contact - he IS her father. I always wanted her to have a stable, 2 parent home. That is no longer an option. But she still has 2 parents and I think it's important she sees both of us. I know it's hard with OW and her kids, but I think to lose a parent is worse?<P>Is this classic mid-life crisis for your DH? 2 A's in a year after 13 years sounds weird.<P>>H had kids this weekend. I hope the novelty is starting to wear off. >HOpe kids fight and cry and misbehave, etc. My h thinks it is >good family enviornment at OW house. Who is he kidding, >ONLY HIMSELF and I bet he reallly isn't fooling himself.<P>Difficult. You need to know what sort of environment your kids are in, but don't want to see it for yourself. I haven't set foot in their house, although I deliver her there every morning. But at least I know the OW (or thought I did?). I don't believe the friend I knew would do anything to harm Emily. And remember, as HIS kids not just yours, the OW has a vested interest in treating them well. I don't envy them with 6 kids in the house!<P>Good luck. I hope things work out for both of us, for all the people on this site. I never saw myself being in this situation. it's hard to see myself as a woman who's been abandoned, whose husband left her for another woman. I'm not used to it yet. Still expect to wake up (but less than I used to...)<P>Stay strong, but don't let the children lose their father if you can...<P>Emma