Good morning everyone…<BR>Here’s the short version of my story: 10 months ago I found out that my wife was having an affair with another guy, and worse, she had 2 before him. I’ve been stuck in Plan A since that time. 3 weeks ago, my wife and the OM came to the home of a mutual friend, and proceded to verbally rip this friend apart in front of me and our children. That night when she walked in the door, she sat down on my bed (which is a beautiful couch, thank you very much) and broke down crying about what she did that evening. I was very upset and said nothing to her, because I refused to let the kids wake up to fighting. What she said next made me practically fall off of the couch, err… I mean fall out of my bed. She said “I guess what I did tonight probably ruined our chances of working thing out”, and then proceeded to cry. <BR>When I married it was for life. If there was a chance of working out our relationship, of course I’m going to do it. Since that conversation, I’ve noticed changes in her. She isn’t as quick to fight anymore, she wasn’t running out partying every other night. I actually began to have fun spending time with her again. This weekend was a disaster. We went out on Friday evening to dinner and a movie. At dinner, I spent much of my time alone. While we were waiting for our meal, she proceeded to go through her stack of mail that she had accumulated over the last week. I guess it was either that or talk to me. When she had finished going through her mail, she then proceeded to go outside to smoke a cigarette, and said she would be back in a minute. 15 minutes later, the meal arrives, and shortly after so does my wife, talking on her cell phone. As we left the restaurant, she actually apologized for the cell phone incident, she needed to take care of work related phone call. I appreciated the apopogy and moved on with the evening. However in the movie theatre, her cell phone rang multiple times, and of course she answered it each time, and each time it was one of her friends (side note...these friends are all guy friends that she happens to spend much time with, which makes my skin boil that much more.) Instead of being considerate and turning off the phone, it continues to ring throughout the movie. After the movie, she gets yet another call from a guy friend saying that his girlfriend left him stranded and took his money and his car and needs help. So much to my discomfort, we raced off to get him and then proceeded to drive him around town to harass his girlfriend and then take his drunk-[censored] home. Again she interjected another apology. Now it’s Saturday, my wife had to work this particular morning, and on this evening she made plans to go out with her co-workers because she is leaving this job and they were throwing a going-away party. While it’s probably none of my business, it does bother me that no one from work showed up at this going away party, but rather my soon to be single neighbor and his 3 friends. She got tanked, came home at 1:30 in the morning and proceeded to wake me up and tell me that she was invited to party at their house, but came home early for me. Gee, now I felt special. <BR>Sunday, I had to go into work. I left early in the morning and got home around 2:00 in the afternoon. When I got home she was already preparing dinner because we had plans to go to a Phoenix Suns basketball game. Halfway through preparing dinner, she decides to go take a nap and leave me to finish. I had been awake for almost 10 hours and worked an 8 hour day, while she gets up at noon and decides to take a nap at 2:30. Did I complain at the time? No, I decided to be conciderate and let her take her nap. <BR>After dinner we went to the Suns game and after the game while we were walking out, her cell phone rang again, but she missed the call. She spent the next 15 minutes trying to call him back. It was my neighbor calling again to invite her over the wall to party. When she got off the phone, I finally got fed up and let her know how rude it was that every time we’re out I’m competing with a cell phone and all of her friends. I found it frustrating that she considers time spent with me such a low priority. She did apologize, and we went home. She told me she had to go to the store to pick up some things for the morning. I went to bed at 11pm and she still wasn’t home. She rolls in around 2am, she had been partying with the neighbors. She needed to wake me up though, just so she could tell me to make sure I wake her up at 6:45 in the morning. There was no please or thank you, just do it. From that moment I couldn’t go back to sleep because I was so angry. I decided at that point that I was not going to wake her up. I didn’t want to be a total jerk, so I set the alarm for 8am, and left a note by the alarm clock, explaining that I was tired of playing Cater & Waiter. I explained to her that I didn’t appreciate that she goes out with the company of others, but expects me to be there to cater to her every whim. Now I find myself feeling guilty over not waking her up, but this Plan A stuff is really difficult, especially in this case. I try to follow the plan and try to put my best foot forward, but instead of taking notice, she takes advantage. <P>Please let me know what you think, I really don’t have much of a support system, and I need some input from a 3rd party.<P>Thanks… <P>

You can Plan A only until your Love Bank balance is too low...<P>From the outside...<BR>...I can see it dropping and dropping...<BR>...by where your balance stands... I can't tell.<P>You might want to progress slowly first and see where you stand toward movement to a Plan B...<P>Check out my posts...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000177.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B - 101 (2nd ed.)</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000413.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B - 201</A>.<P>I take it you haven't been in counseling...<BR>...for yourself<BR>...or for you and your W!<P>How many kids?... How old?... <P>You have my prayers.<P> <P>Jim

Thanks for the response, actually I started counseling about a year before I found out about the affair. I invited her to the sessions, but even though she aggreed to go, much of the time she showed up very late and seemed to show no commitment to it at all. The counseling along with knowing how I felt didn't keep her from starting the affair, either. As for children, we have 3 kids, ages 9,7, and 4.