Well, <BR> It' the first day of plan B. I plan A's this to death since OCtober. Until he took a lover in February. I said my GOodbye yersterday and he accepted is "matter of fact"like. He continues to repeat that he still wants to talk to me and that he loves me and wants to come home but he does not know when. In the mean time, he continues to talk to the OW and see her. My fear is that she gets pregnant and then it's really not going to work. I expressed that fear to him and he seems to reassure me that is not going to happen. I have cut him off from phone calls, email, etc. It's so very hard. I could not sleep last night even with medication. I went to my sister's baby shower yesterday and I just had to leave after two hours. It was really hard to watch my sister's perfect life, perfect husband, perfect everything and see other woman with successful marriages. <P>Why does H says he loves me and wants to come home but he does not? Is he just blowing smoke? I just want my husband home. I just want my life back with my marriage. I want this marriage to work but it won't if he is not here. THis is so painful and even with medication it won't go away. I want to pick up the phone and call him so badly or just email him but I know that won't work. Even when I say no contact he says he will come find me IS he telling me the truth or what? Does he really mean what he says. Should I wait or just file for D and get this over with. The pain is so tremendously crippling at times I want to take my life. I don't have a plan for that and I know that's not right but sometimes it just seems easier. <P>He still wants to keep in touch with me even while he's there with her. I asked if he loved her and he says he doesn't think so. But he does, doesn't he. He just can't tell me he wants nothing to do with this. <P>I am dead inside. Please GOD, take the pain awayl. Please

As was said in a previous post...<BR>Plan B isn't for wimps!<P>The first few weeks of Plan B are the hardest...<BR>This is the time you need to <B>really</B> occupy yourself with "self-building"...<BR>...a new hobbie...<BR>...a pet...<BR>...help out at your local soup kitchen...<BR>...do volunteer work...<BR>...take up writing...<BR>...plan a new career...<BR>...go for a walk... a drive...<BR>...pick up dance lessons...<BR>...the list is endless...<P>...but...<BR>...most of all...<BR>Avoid contact!<P>I assume you did send the Plan B letter...<BR>...that is very important.<P> <P>Jim

<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Plan B isn't for wimps!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE></B><P>You're tellin me it ain't for wimps!!! This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do!!!!!!<P>I can't stand to lose my husband. I never wanted to lose him. I never wanted this to happen. It all boils down to communication and that's something that seems not to happen. I try and he doesn't get it. Then he tries and I don't get it. LIke ships passing in the night and not seeing each other until we've passed. <P>I try not to think about him. I try to go on but all the things you mention in the list we used to do together. Our jobs got in the way, our financial situation got in the way. What a cruel joke this is. <P>I am trying to hard, so hard to understand what he's going through. I am just devistated about it all. Is he just waiting for me file for divorce? I've asked in the past if this is what he wants and he says no. Just a recently as a few days ago I hear, "No Ann, I don't want a divorce. I don't want to lose you. I don't understand it myself. I DO want to come home I just don't have a date." But he still talks to OW and now says they are just friends and fully admits that he talks to and spends more time with her than he does with me. That's all I ever wanted was time. That's all I ever asked for. I just guess that will never happen now. I can't help but feel I have lost him forever. <P>Anni<P><BR>

Aspur2,<P>You're in Plan B now...<BR>...but like Plan A....<P>...you must focus on you.<P>You are responsible for your happiness...<BR>You are responsible for your salvation...<BR>You are responsible for your relationship... with God... with friends... with family!<P>Allowing your world to focus on your WS...<BR>...is giving in to the "modern" philosophy of denying objective morality...<P>...to make relative... the morality of your spouses actions... by circumstance or intent... is allowing to weaken your self!<P>Now is the time to be strong...<BR>...you've started that in Plan A....<BR>...now go beyond that in Plan B!<P>Plan B doesn't guarantee... reconciliation...<BR>...please don't feel it will!<P>Plan B does guarantee reconcilition of conscience...<BR>...a more than just character building exercise!<P>Have you prayed lately...<BR>...pray for thanks for all you have...<BR>...there is more there than what your spouse has provided!<P>I'll be praying for you!<P> <P>Jim

<BR>Thanks Jim; <P>I do pray - A LOT. I pray the my husband battles his demons and overcomes. I pray for peace in my head and heart one way or another. If it's over then let me go - if it's not then bring him home. <P>I am just stuck on hearing those last words, I'm coming home, I just don't know when". Is that cop out for don't hold your breath. <P>I don't know. We have never been separated for this long before and he has never gone this long w/o talking to me. It hurts to think that he is in love with another person and that she is having all the time and conversation with him that I have waited for so long for. <P>She is getting everything I asked him for. THat's what hurts. Is he truly confused or just self-centered and a real [censored]? He didn't ever seem to be that way to me. <P>I don't want to lose my marriage. I don't want to lose my husband but I can't help but feel he's already gone. Has anyone here survived plan B and built their marriage back up? <BR>It seems like there are very few success stories. <P>Anni <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by NSR:<BR><B>Aspur2,<P>You're in Plan B now...<BR>...but like Plan A....<P>...you must focus on you.<P>You are responsible for your happiness...<BR>You are responsible for your salvation...<BR>You are responsible for your relationship... with God... with friends... with family!<P>Allowing your world to focus on your WS...<BR>...is giving in to the "modern" philosophy of denying objective morality...<P>...to make relative... the morality of your spouses actions... by circumstance or intent... is allowing to weaken your self!<P>Now is the time to be strong...<BR>...you've started that in Plan A....<BR>...now go beyond that in Plan B!<P>Plan B doesn't guarantee... reconciliation...<BR>...please don't feel it will!<P>Plan B does guarantee reconcilition of conscience...<BR>...a more than just character building exercise!<P>Have you prayed lately...<BR>...pray for thanks for all you have...<BR>...there is more there than what your spouse has provided!<P>I'll be praying for you!<P> <P>Jim</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Check out posts by <B>Lor(Lor)</B> and <B>K</B> on the "In recovery" forum.<P> <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited March 18, 2001).]