It's been 5 weeks since H's affair was disclosed. We've been on a emotional rollercoaster ever since. From the initial "Our marriage has been over for years" to the "I don't want to lose everything we have". He is becoming more distant, and I'm sure the kids are ingesting some of this quiet trama (age 11 and 2 at 9). I'm wanting to move toward plan B, (they don't want to quit each other and have no motivation to do so) and have formulated some short and long term plans. Because we are a low conflict home, I'm sure this will hit my kids like a ton of bricks. What is the best way to reveal this to the kids? Should I keep quiet until he's moving out? This is something i see evolving over the next several months.<BR>Second issue: OW lives in another state, this being in limbo is driving me crazy. I'm tempted to send H to see her, hopefully to bring things to a head.

wwit,<P>When you tell the children, tell them together.<P>There are some books (I'm looking in our Univ. catalog):<BR> "Putting Children First"<BR> "Children of Separation and Divorce"<BR> "Helping Children Cope with Divorce"<BR> "Women, Men, and Children Surviving Divorce & Separation"<P>You can check Amazon and Powell's too.<P><BR>Children want their parents together. They don't really care how well you do or don't get along (especially if your home is low conflict). They won't want things to change. Gender and age have something to do with how they will respond. Consider carefully.<P>Read and do everything possible to work things through before jumping to Plan B and separating. If he's in the house, you've got the greater chance of doing a successful Plan A. <P>Have you done any marriage counseling?<P>~Amy

Amy is right...<BR>...stick with Plan A for a while longer...<BR>...5 weeks is too short.<P>The fact that the OW is out of state...<BR>...(most likely) means his chance of custody is very low.<P>Do talk to your kids...<BR>...be honest... but don't put your spouse down.<BR>Teach them right from wrong now!<BR>And how we have to love those who hurt us...<BR>...it's a very hard lesson... but one that your kids will appreciate in the very long run!<P>You have my prayers.<P> <P>Jim