So I wrote the note and he lives in another city, and we had our final words. I have read every inch of this site and I am still confussed as to how to curve the addiction and maybe I need medication.?<BR>help from someone trying to get rid of withdrawal.

Welcome <B>Concerned1</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>I take it you are a WS and have written and delivered the "no contact"(with OP) letter.<P>What to do next?...<BR>...have you told your spouse about the affair?<P>Do you need medication...<BR>...most likely...<BR>...check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000554.html" TARGET=_blank>Notable Posts/Threads</A> post and look at the section on "medication".<P>Do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<BR>If you spend all your spare time trying to Plan A...<BR>... you will have <B>no</B> time to think of OP!<P>If you need a push (I feel almost everyone needs one)....<BR>...I would recommend that you have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$95US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

This all began with my H being the WS after 8 years on the internet (yes since it began) and he has had numerous internet relationships and has put me through heck and back,, I have stood by him all this time. Three years ago I was at the point where I figured he was not going to stop and I had tried everything, like everyone else I had kids and a loooong marriage to try and save,,, I figured he was going through a midlife crisis and I was going to wait it out,,, with an empty love bank I found someone to fill it while I waited. In January I found out that several times last year he had gone past the internet and met and had sex with several women,,,, I was devestated and filed for divorce,,, my friend and I had an emotional bond and he has been there for me to talk to about all these problems (Iknow an emotional bond is still an A) H and I have reconciled and we are going to the class in May In Minnesota... I have written off my friend and as far as I know H has done what he was supposed to (he had 96 friends so he didnt write a note,,, he said it was humiliating and not necessary since they were fly by night type of relationships and if they never heard from him again it would not matter,, I still have a problem with this and I plan to address it in May) meanwhile I am doing the right thing ,,,but I miss my friends email and phone calls. While in plan A , H and I have followed it and we are not LBing and getting along very well... doesnt curb the addiction that I feel... help.<BR>

Try and be honest with your H about your withdrawal...<P>Let him know (in plain simple words... always best for men)...<BR>that you are needy during those times that withdrawal is hard.<P> <P>Jim

How long since you broke contact?

I wrote the note 4 weeks ago and he didnt believe me and called while he was out of town and left a message for me at my work phone, paged me to let me know it was there,,, I thought about it over night and I called and left a message explaining what all had happened with my H and the "almost" divorce and why I was taking the route I had taken (no contact) he left me alone and then emailed me with a question a week after that, which I answered and again I said I was commited to doing the right thing and I wished said goodbye for the third time... that was 5 days ago. He made it hard the first couple of weeks and I am sure that he will be leaving me alone (he is a classy man and will honor my word now that he understands).... so I am on my own and I know in my heart I am doing the right thing,,, just worried that H will not keep his end of the bargain and if I find out he is still on the NET I will have lost a wonderful gentleman.... eventhough he has left the door wide open I know he has needs and I am sure he will find someone else to fill them since his W is not taking care of them still. What happens if I tell him about this site and help him out? or am I making an excuse to contact him... what if I sign him up for the newsletter? while I feel this withdrawal I am staying to myself and not doing anything but A planning,,, sailing straight and out of contact,,, but it sure is scary to think it will work this time after beeing a human doormat for 8 years,,, and I cant even begin to tell you the amount of things I have done for my H ,,, including immoral things which we would both rather forget about.... my stomach hurts when I think of where all I have been and I am tired. This plan A thing better work and I wish the class in May was sooner...<BR>updated: 04-02-01<BR>I signed us up this weekend for May trip,, we spent all weekend together and I come to work this morning and still miss my friend,, what the heck is wrong with me and why is withdrawal so hard?<P><p>[This message has been edited by Concerned1 (edited April 02, 2001).]

Made reservations this weekend: see update,, still miss friend,,,

Concerned<BR>While I am a BS and my H is gone 5 weeks with out contact since the note, I am afraid I cant give you any good advise about getting through the withdraw. I can tell you that it seems to help my H when he focuses his attention on me, the kids, and our marriage. We do a lot a things together and are spending all our free time together. We dont necessarily go out but just spend time being a family at home alot. We have worked through the emotional needs surveys and the love buster surveys. One hard part for me was that he didnt give me a lot of feedback on the questionaires on ways that I could improve to meet his needs. I know that he misses her but I believe that he has broken all contact with her. We changed our phone number, his cell number, his email address, and he no longer works (partly due to affair) and is looking for a job. So the only way she could get in touch with him is if he calls her or she comes over. I think the fact that she isnt contacting him is helping him get through some of the withdraw and I would advise you not to contact him or even sign him up for the newsleter. What is important is you and your family and getting your marriage back on track to be the best it can be. I hope that helps

Yes it does help to hear from others and I read the posts every day since they help me stay focused on what I am trying to do,,, I know it is only a matter of time before I am over the withdrawal and that helps... it also helps that my H is in the same boat of sorts since he was the WS who was found out,,, in other words I only admitted to what I had done after it was all out in the open so I know in my heart that we are headed in the right direction... we did spend much of our weekend together and I talked to him about how he is handling his "addiction" to the internet and he said he stays busy at work ,,, I do the same during the day,,, but yesterday I was feeling weak so I called my H and we had lunch together :-) that helped me refocus and keep from doing something stupid,,, I also talked to him last night about another emotional need and he took care of that last night too ..<BR>C1

Good for you. I read the posts daily also. I have decided not to ask my h if he has had any contact. He has told me 2xs previously that he would stop contact and I kept asking if he had. I felt it in my gut. This time feels different. I hope I am right. Regardless the repeated quiz was a love buster. We are in counciling with Jennifer at MB and she does ask him. If I can help you in any way let me know.