Hi,<BR> I have been reading your posts for the past 7 months. I have been in Plan A for the past 4 months. I am moving to Plan B. Steve Harley suggested posting my proposed Plan B letter to the forum for your comments and suggestions.<BR>God bless all of you.<P>Thanks,<BR>kazak<P>My dear wife,<BR> I am very sorry for not being with you emotionally in the past few<BR>years. I apologize for my part in creating an environment that helped<BR>make you affair with your boss possible. I am truly repentant for my<BR>sins of omission and commission in my relationship with you. Please<BR>forgive me. I foolishly pursued the success of our business without <BR>understanding that my primary responsibility is to meet your emotional needs. <BR>I was not there when you needed me most, and we are both suffering for my mistake.<P> I would like to have the opportunity to rebuild our life together by<BR>learning from the mistakes of the past, that will make us both happy.<BR>But I cannot do that as long as you have any contact of any kind with your boss. <BR>I have a memory of a wonderful woman - beautiful, smart, good, wise, kind,<BR>compassionate, and caring. This memory is all but destroyed and every<BR>contact with you these days further negates this memory. I also do not<BR>want to lose the peace and joy that I have found in Jesus, with a lot of<BR>prayer and Bible reading for any reason. So, I respectfully request you to limit all<BR>contact between us to email regarding the care of our daughter. The only<BR>exception to the rule will be if you or our daughter have a medical emergency.<BR>Our mutual friend from church has agreed to be our intermediary for all other things<BR>that cannot be handled by email. <P> Since we still have to share the responsibilities for taking care of our daughter,<BR>for some more time while you stay in our house, I request the following procedure<BR>for eliminating all contact between us. When I am to pick up our daughter from our<BR>home, I will wait in the garage for some time for her to enter the car. If I do not see<BR>her in a few minutes time, I will knock on the inner garage door and wait for our daughter.<BR>If I still do not see her, I will enter the house to pick her up. I request that you follow a <BR>similar procedure when you come in to the house to give ample time for me say my goodbyes<BR>to our daughter and leave through the front door. I cannot help you financially<BR>or any other way during this time of total separation.<P> I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you in this way. You<BR>must know about the suffering that I have endured because of your<BR>relationship with your boss. I simply cannot have any verbal or visual contact with you<BR>knowing that you are continuing your relationship with him. I<BR>still care for you a great deal. I want to completely separate from you<BR>in this way because any contact with you hurts me too much.<BR>As soon as you are willing to completely and permanently separate from<BR>your boss, I will be happy to discuss our future together with you.<P> I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage on Christian principles<BR>some day. I want to be your best friend and your constant companion. I<BR>want to build a new lifestyle where we do everything together, while respecting our<BR>differences. I want to do everything I can to make you happy. Then there<BR>will be no reason for an affair or a separation for either of us. I want you to<BR>be my best friend and inspiration again.<P> I loved you when I first met you in 1992 and I still care for you to this day. I may not have<BR>expressed it very well to you. I did not also realize the preciousness of family and I took it for<BR>granted. I am willing to turn a new leaf in our relationship. However, I<BR>cannot have any contact with you as long as you have any contact with your boss.<P>Yours affectionately,<P>Husband<P><p>[This message has been edited by kazak (edited April 03, 2001).]

A very good letter...<P>(You've done some good reasearch)...<P>Eliminating all "Visual contact"...<BR>...will be almost impossible<BR>...there will be activities you will both be at.<P>Try not to reiterate your "pain" too much.<BR>Saying it once is fine.<P>If you could <B>list</B> some of the skills you've learned...<BR>...independence ...honesty ...whatever else...<BR>it's to your advantage... (since this might be the final correspondence).<P>About the handoff...<BR>...a simpler... I'll stay inside... you'll stay outside and vica versa... might be best.<BR>It seems like there is a <I>"hiding in the garage"</I>...<BR>(either you or her)...<BR>...and it doesn't show much of your learned strength...<P>Plan B... should show your strength!<P>Good Luck...<P> <P>Jim

Dear Kazak<P>Take it from me - Jim provides the best possible advice about "the letter" - it is a fine and loving letter but in my view a bit repetitive ??<P>Take care of yourself<P>R

I thought it was pretty good. The line about the memory is all but destroyed stuck me as unnecessary and a little hurtful. But how about adding that you are doing this not to punish her, but to protect the love that you have for her.<P>I will be posting mine soon so you can critique me. <BR>Lora