This is the first time I have written anything about my unusual problem. I am not really sure where to start, but here goes nothing. Three years ago my H told me that he was thinking about leaving me because he was in lust, not love, with OW. This OW just happened to be my best friend, that didn't help. Well after all the tears and fights, he decided to stay. My problem is that recently this OW and my husband have been spending alot of time together. He says that he made a mistake and has grown up since the last incident, and that he just wants to be friends with her because they have known each other for many years. This situation is causing me much distress. I am always afraid that his old feelings for this OW will come back. He assures me that that is not going to happen, and I need to learn to deal with their friendship. I have tried, I really have. The problem is that since this OW has come back into our lives, he has been distant again. I knew that things were going badly for us, but figured that like every problem we have had, that we would work it out. Then three weeks ago he told me that he was confused about life. He wasn't sure what was going on in his head, but that everything from his working situation to our marriage was no longer working. He asked me to stay and I did. Now he is constantly talking to this OW about all our marriage problems including a talk we had about how uncomfortable I was with their friendship. He says again that no matter how uncomfortable I am I just need to learn to deal with this situation. He hasn't come out and said that he would leave me if I made him choose, but that is the feeling I get. I don't know what to do. My depression is getting worse and I have started to have many dark thoughts. I need help but don't know where to turn. Any help on this situation would be greatly appreciated.<P> <P>------------------<BR>

Welcome <B>confusedinwashington</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>It is not untypical...<BR>...so there are many who really know your pain.<P>Do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>Learn from the book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank> "Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>...<P>Here are a few quotes... around "what if the Wayward spouse contacts the lover?"...<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>If there is a failure to totally separate from a lover, it usually means that the measures taken to guarantee separation are inadequate. (page 73 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Any</B> contact with the OP by the wayward, sets the wayward's recovery time back to the beginning. (page 73 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>What if the wayward spouse doesn't want to totally separate from the lover?<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>While there is no hope for reconciliation when the affair is underway, as soon as the affair is ended, reconciliation is definitely possible. (page 74 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You have a long journey...<BR>...stay with us and we'll help.<P>Again, you are not alone!<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>