As many of you know I have maintained an open and sincere friendship with my w/xw. Our divorce was final 12/9 things have gone ok since. I feel like I am back on my game, but Terri seems very depressed. I understand, but I have realized I don't have to go back to the way things were. We have talked about the failings of our marriage and it's been good. I'd like to reach out again, but I am afraid. Every time previous I've been stomped on. She has asked me to New Years Eve with her and the kids at a couples home, friends of hers. She says they've been helping her, but I don't know what that means. She hasn't dated anyone for a couple of months, I still don't trust her. I feel like I have been here. Do I want to put myself through all of this again?<P>Eric

Eric32,<BR> Wow, that's a tough one! I REALLY know what you mean though. I had an X girlfriend that really wanted to get me back but waited too long. She cried at my wedding. <BR>I would go as a friend for the kids. If something stands out, you know the signs go for it. Expect nothing but be ready IF you see the signs. GOOD LUCK FRANK

ouch, this one is really tough eric.<BR>Where do you want to be on NY Eve? Do you want to be with her and the kids? Leave the fear issue behind and ask yourself who you want to be with? Fear is only a good emotion sometimes-usually it is detrimental to our well-being. I find it hard to make sound decisions when clouded by fear. In your case is it fear or is it protection? Fine line?<BR>

I don't know your story or how many times you've been down this road but I say follow your heart. Don't let pride get in your way or fear either. Open your heart. Every one deserves a second chance. If she's been given that second chance already than I say do what you feel is best for the kids. You said you've been able to remain friends, that says alot!

Let us know how things go. <p>[This message has been edited by HurtingToo (edited December 29, 1999).]

eric,<P>From my second session with Steve Harley...<BR>He'd say go... if for nothing else the kids. This will be a moment that stand out in history... make sure the kids say "yep... dad was there!"<P>Jim

Eric32,<P>GLAD to hear from you! Been wondering ow you were getting along since Divorce-Day.<P>I think Frank and others gave good advice - I would go as a friend andsee what happens from there. At this point, I would think that it would be up to Terri to do a little more than this before I would get too friendly or reach out again.<P>Sometimes, a true separation must occur for things to ever have a chance again.<P>If you go, please come back and post and let us know what happened.<P>I don't want you to get hurt again so soon - your divorce is less than one month old. I will be praying for peace and happiness for you for the year 2000.<P>Desiree<P><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

I have been divorced for a little over a year. Several months ago my ex told me that she wanted to work things out. She then went back to her boyfriend. She told me on the phone last August that she loves me, but then said that she meant as a friend. I want to believe her, but realize that I have to guard my own heart also. When she invited me for Christmas Eve dinner, I went with no expectations. I enjoyed the time with her, but didn't let myself get fooled into thinking things were better. What I believe I did was show her that I enjoy being with her, that I will be there for her if she gets over her infatuation with her boyfriend, but I didn't let myself get hurt again. I would say for you to go, enjoy yourself, but don't have any expectations. Just show her that you are happy and that your life is going on without her, even though you still care for her. If she feels that you are there because you can't live without her, it may do more harm than good. Good luck with whatever you end up doing.

"At some point, the fear becomes more damaging than the thing that is feared. <BR>Those who truly succeed are willing to accept the risk of failure. <BR>Those who find true love have risked a broken heart. There are risks to every action, and yet the risks of inaction can be far greater. <BR>The world can be a dangerous place. Proceed with caution, but by all means do proceed. The most stinging regrets are for things never attempted.<BR>When you participate, when you take action, there is indeed the possibility of failure and disappointment. Yet when you decline to take action, failure is not just a possibility -- it is certain.<BR>Let your fear instruct and prepare you. Don't let it stop you. " <BR>summarized from R. Marston's work<P><BR>

Thanks for all of the replies guys. Unfortunately, the need for an RSVP was to make sure I wasn't gonna be there, because her "happy" couple friends will be setting her up that evening. These folks, to my knowledge have never encouraged her to try to reconcile, so this is no real surprise. <P>To reply anyway, I was leaning towards not going. Reason being that absolutely every time I have done so, those "fears" hve been realized. My skin has grown quite thick thugh which is good. This latest thing doesn't even sting any longer. I kinda wish she'd just let go at this point.<P>Thanks so much,<BR>Eric