I'll start out by saying that H will NOT be watching the kids for me tomorrow (today really). I will have my dad drop me and the twins off at the counsellors office, and he will take my 2 yr old shopping while I'm there.<P>Call it a MAJOR LBing session, but H discovered that I knew his passwords to various things online. I got caught. I was wrong to do that stuff.. I should have told him right away, but I didn't want to. I wanted to gather more info. Well, I got it alright. I discovered yet ANOTHER PA!<P>H is most definitely a sex addict. No question about it. I am feeling nothing but pity for him right now. He firmly believes that his permiscuous (sp?) actions right now are rationalized by the fact that he and I are 'technically' separated. Of course, that's MY wording, not his. His wording is more like, "WE ARE SEPARATED! GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD! WHAT I DO NOW IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!".<P>The short version of what happened, is that H found out I knew some of his passwords. I confirmed it, and proceeded to tell him EVERYTHING I knew. H denied some things, agreed to others, and reminded me of the above quote over and over and over again. It was one big LB after another. But I have to admit, I am hugely relieved that I have told him all I know. I have nothing more to plan A around. Plan B has begun!<P>I mentioned in a previous post earlier today, that I already knew that plan B was necessary, but I was going to ride out plan A a while longer. That is no longer possible. However, I do not have a complete plan B, because of the kids. H and I must continue to converse with each other in regards to visitation and support payments. And my moving out of town, will still take a few months.<P>I am yet again up at an insane hour. But this isn't another allnighter for me. I have to end this now, to get some sleep. I will post more details tomorrow sometime.<P>Karen<BR>

Folks like to dissagree with the ZERO contact whre the kids are involved...<P>Steve Harley told me that all communications reguarding children CAN be made through an intermediary...<P>I did it for about a month...<P>The only thing that really needs to be communicated directly is an emergency...<P>Call Steve...<P>Bill

I understand that that can be done. However, our financial situation won't allow for it (sigh!). And I already looked into agencies that mediate visitations, but we don't qualify for their free services. According to their guidelines, this is not an abusive relationship (although I'm sure most on here will disagree..I do too), so there is no need to have a mediator present. And we cannot afford to pay for one.<P>H and I will be getting together one day in the next week to sit down and write out a tentative visitation schedule. And we will only actually see each other when he does come to visit. Even then, I will make myself scarce. But I will NOT leave him alone in my house with the kids.<P>More later..<P>Karen<BR>

How about using friends as intermediaries? That's what I'm doing.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Living with memories:<BR><B>How about using friends as intermediaries? That's what I'm doing.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Unfortunately, we don't have any here in town. We have only been here for 3 yrs, tomorrow actually (grin). We had 3 mutual couple friends, 1st couple split when she 'came out of the closet' and moved to BC with her lover, 2nd couple moved out of town after the H had an A with her best friend, and the third couple, the W is the one who is in an affair with my H.<P>I'm thinking there's something BAD in the water here in London...lol. Thank goodness I use a Brita!!! LOL<P>Karen<BR>

I should also mention something about my counselling session today. But there isn't much to tell. Go figure! By the time I was able to reach the point where I could get into the A's by H, my time was up. <P>I"m not sure how much she will be able to help me, but already I have a GREAT feeling about her. She even insisted that if I need to make an appointment one week, but dont' have the money at that time, that she will gladly still see me, and allow me to pay when I can. I think I love her already! grin.<P>Oh well! Next session is scheduled for next Tuesday at 10:30am.. we'll get right into the nitty gritty then. (grin).<P>Karen<BR>

Topie,<P>I had a terrible problem moving into Plan B. It lasted all of about twelve hours. My wife, the WS, threatened to file because she believed my plan was not in the best interest of our two daughters. She felt that daily communication was needed between the two of us to meet their growing needs. It didn't take too much effort to convince me. Part of my moving into Plan B at that time was also revealing my wfe's affair to my kids. That part did succeed and for the time being helped alleviate a large part of the stress I was feeling about the whole situation.<P>But since that time my wife has tried, with some limited success, to do major damage control by telling everyone that she and the OP (who happens to be a woman)are just best friends. Others on this board, as well as Steve Harley, have convinced me that Plan B will eventually be the only way. I also have financial constraints that will be getting in the way. But I now know I have the upper hand. If she threatens divorce again, I can tell her that I will protect myself and my kids by any means possible ( the OP is also her boss at work). I guess that can be construed as anti-Harley, but not if it is presented as a defense to her threat.<P>Stick to your Plan B...and let us know how it is working!