My husband left approx. 9 mths ago. I thought we had a good marriage, apparently he didn't, I guess. He had worked during the day and always came home. Didn't go anywhere<BR>without me, run around or go to bars. <BR> He never expressed any adverse feelings, never talked to me about anything personal that may have been bothering him, guess he kept in all inside. I had no idea. I think it is a mid-life crisis. He just came in one day and moved out, no notice, I was shocked. He said he was confused, needed time to be alone. He was calling me and coming over, said he stilled loved me and cared...right! I ran into the real reason he left, the OW. She threatened me and even showed up on my door step. I had to get an order of protection against her. She is apparently trash, was married, records of criminal background,drugs, etc. She has extremely vulgur language and is very immature. Not that looks are everything, but she is ugly inside and out. That's just not my opinion, but everyone that has seen IT. It's absolutely crazy, he is sinking and appears to have changed him into an entirely different person. He is losing everything. He has became very hateful and nasty towards me, although I have never treated him that way. I don't understand and can't believe he would be with something like that. I have been going through HELL and don't<BR>know why I can't get over it. I remember him as being loving, caring and affectionate, even up until the evening he left. How did he turn into an uncaring monster after 6 yrs? I'm so torn up and don't understand how I can still love him. <BR> He has a chronic illness that has gotten worse since he has left. He was in the hospital in Jan., he called me (unusual)after he got out. He said he thought he was going to die(maybe a wake up call?) <BR> I haven't really talked to him since Feb. He told me not to call him anymore. The OW was on the phone,yelling DON'T CALL HERE AGAIN OR I'LL TAKE YOU OUT FOR HARASSMENT. She must have had him call. Seems to me he is under her control,<BR>he is obcessed? It's sick. I actually find myself feeling sorry for him.<BR> I don't know why I still love him, care and worry about him? Everyone tells me get over it and on with your life. I don't have anyone to talk to because they don't understand and don't want to hear it. Please help me through this torture. <P>

I know exactly how you feel. My loving wife has turned into someone I don't know; I found confirmation this weekend of an affair.We are separating. I would strongly suggest councelling w Steve Harley. This is helping me in many ways. Do you have a Pastor who can help? It also sounds like Plan A could be effective when you do talk if the ow is that bad.<BR>I've also talked to our Dr. about medication;sometimes it's difficult to function. They could be an option for you.

I am on medication for depression and have been since this happened. Even with medication, I still can't get this off my mind. I really think it is an addiction with my H. <P>I don't see how I could use Plan A, because he won't even talk to me. I wish he would. He has only been hateful and nasty with me. I haven't really talked to him since Feb. I guess I was doing Plan B without knowing about Plan B at the time. I talked to him 2 separate times that day. I was upset because of a foreclosure proceeding. He talked an hour when I called, than he called me back and talked another hour. He was just telling me he couldn't help me, and if anyone could figure it out I could. He came across like it was my problem only, didn't really get anywhere, but I thought at least he was talking to me without yelling or cussing me. He told me to call him the following day, when I did he said meekly (entirely different tone of voice)I can't talk, I'm busy. I thought this was odd. Than I found out why. There was a call on my caller ID from his business, I missed it, so I called back. He said meekly again, do me a favor and don't call me here anymore. The OW apparently was on the phone and started yelling, she said DON'T EVER CALL HERE AGAIN OR I'LL TAKE YOU OUT FOR HARASSMENT, than slammed the phone in my ear. I know she had him call me, I can't believe he is that controled by her, it is pathetic, sick even, out of character for him. Anyway, I haven't called back and of course he hasn't called me. That is until the other day. I had the urge, so I called, he asked who is this(how soon he forgot about his wife)when I told him it was me and that I just called to see how he was he said I'm fine,I'm busy, can't talk now, I have customers, and he just hung up. After that I haven't called back, although I feel like it, I don't think he'll call me either, hasn't so far.<BR>Thanks for the Reply.