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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 486
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 486 |
While I realize each situation is unique; do you think plan A is likely to invite the return to intimacy of a withdrawn/cheating spouse? I'm trying to get a better handle on how to "benchmark" success. I see a lot of folks on the DD board who have tried plan A and did not have their marriges continue.I am doing what I think is a pretty good plan A. I pray often, but sometimes wonder if this is a fool's errand. Thanks.<BR>
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Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937
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Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937 |
Family Man:<P>What are your options to doing a good plan A? Do they help get you were you want to be?
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 486
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 486 |
K- The more I read, counsel and talk w others, the number of options seem to grow. Plan A appeals to my sense of logic, but that has gotten me into trouble before. Maybe I'm looking for some sort of confirmation when I really just need to proceed w faith in the plan? I feel plan a is very good on many levels; I'm trying to get a handle on what is realistic without being "fatalistic".
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Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937
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Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937 |
Well, my advice for you would be to continue, with faith in the plan, and with counseling from the MB counseling center (888-639-1639, for appointments).<P>I'd suggest that you think about other options to doing a good Plan A now. Divorce, "tough love", killing the OM...<P>See how they effect your goals (I'm assuming the restoration of the marriage is the primary goal). If your marriage isn't restored, your secondary goal should probably be learning appropriate marital skills so this won't happen again.<P>Plan A and B (in the appropriate order, timeframe, under the guidance of a good coach) gives you the best chance to be successful.
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Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406
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Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406 |
See <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000752.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builders Works. I'm Proof</A>.<P> ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) <P>Jim
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 486
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 486 |
K- HAH! Thanks.Restoring my marriage is my focus.(oh, you mean I can't hurt om...)<BR>NSR - thanks for the link. <P>Both of your insights are invaluable.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 167
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 167 |
Plan A does work, I'm living proof. One thing I did discover about Plan A (this may be isolated to me) was that meeting her ENs (W was WS)has made me feel better about myself. Maybe it's just seeing the way she is responding to her needs being met, but it really makes me feel good. <P>What REALLY is making Plan A work for me is, the more I meet her needs, the more she responds, the better I feel and want to Plan A more!<P>All this really distracts me from LBing and thinking about the A.<P>Don't quit, identify the ENs and overwhelm.<P>Keep a stiff upper lip <BR>SP<p>[This message has been edited by scarlet pumpernickle (edited May 07, 2001).]
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