I have posted my full story previously so I didn't know if I should repeat it...... My problem is my husband and I are just trying to get through each day. We don't even know where to begin with trying to work through things. We are going to joint counseling once a week but I feel like that is just skimming the top of all this. We agree that we need to talk through all these issues but don't know how and when to do that. I don't trust anything he says and don't feel like I can believe him about talking or maybe still seeing this girl. I don't know when he would see her but I still don't know what to believe. He tells me he isn't but then I get the cell phone bill and see he is still calling her. I don't know what to do or where to begin. I just know we are both unhappy and want to move forward...... I am sad all the time and just want to be happy again. I have alot of questions I am scared to ask because it causes so much tension. He keeps saying he wants it to work out but he isn't really doing anything.... he doesn't know what to do either. He keeps saying he is tired of all of it and the stress and doesn't think we can ever pull ourseleves out of this and that he has screwed up too big. His instinct is to just run and say we can't make it work now. I don't know what to do.... we have counseling today..... any advice on where to begin?

Begin simply by eliminating lovebusters...<BR>I'm not at home and don't have the time to post the link but you can find it on this site...<P>If your H is willing, print out the Lovebuster questionaire and take it together...<P>Then ovoid those that he believes bust his love...<P>The If H is willing, institute the 4 rules for a successful marriage, also found on this site...<P>Best of luck to you...<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR><P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.

The ideal would be to start with counselor(s) you can trust...<BR>...if what you have now... is not working... (no concrete signs of progress)...<BR>I would recommend that you have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$120US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<P>Now, even before contacting MB...<BR>...get the books <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank> "His Needs, Her Needs"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank> "Love Busters"</A>!<BR>These are the cornerstones of PLAN A application!<P>Do check out my post...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>...<BR>...and focus on all that you can do to avoid a... Plan B.<P>Do pull down the questionnaires (<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4120_lovebustq.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters Questionnaire</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4110_emndsq.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs Questionnaire</A>) Bill recommended...<BR>...and fill both out... each about self... each about the other! Review it in honesty.<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

I agree with NSR, I wasted 3years with traditional counseling and look where it got me. Material counseling is the least effective of all types of therapy. 25% success. I don't know about you but if I has 75% failure rate in my job I wouldn't be ther long. I recommend terminating counseling immidately and starting with Steve H.<P>JK <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by adviceplease:<BR><B>I have posted my full story previously so I didn't know if I should repeat it...... My problem is my husband and I are just trying to get through each day. We don't even know where to begin with trying to work through things. We are going to joint counseling once a week but I feel like that is just skimming the top of all this. We agree that we need to talk through all these issues but don't know how and when to do that. I don't trust anything he says and don't feel like I can believe him about talking or maybe still seeing this girl. I don't know when he would see her but I still don't know what to believe. He tells me he isn't but then I get the cell phone bill and see he is still calling her. I don't know what to do or where to begin. I just know we are both unhappy and want to move forward...... I am sad all the time and just want to be happy again. I have alot of questions I am scared to ask because it causes so much tension. He keeps saying he wants it to work out but he isn't really doing anything.... he doesn't know what to do either. He keeps saying he is tired of all of it and the stress and doesn't think we can ever pull ourseleves out of this and that he has screwed up too big. His instinct is to just run and say we can't make it work now. I don't know what to do.... we have counseling today..... any advice on where to begin?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>