I had posted asking how to start this and have read the books now. My husband is being more open now and we have set aside time each week to talk about it all and are also going to counseling once a week. Now I am going to try to begin Plan A. My question for people is this - how is it possible to feel this way, hear the answers to your questions and then NOT get upset, NOT have angry ourbursts, NOT make mean comments, etc??? We talked last night and I felt like he was being honest and he told me how he felt when he met this OW and why he thinks it happened, etc. It made me feel so bad and I just wanted to cry and yell at him for doing this to me. I just went in the other room and cried but how do you all deal with this? I feel like he did things SO wrong and now I am suppose to suppress all these feelings? Any advice? I do understand that the more LB I display this is pushing him further away and into a state where he feels like we will never get past this. He has said so many times that he has made too many mistakes and our marriage won't survive even if we want it to.....

I realize how hard it is to do a Plan A when you are so upset- believe me I think about the A all day and night. I am taking an antidepressant- effexor which helps me with my daytime mood and sleeping pills at night. I vent to my Christian friends and they recommend books and go to lunch or breakfast to me where I can spill my guts! I keep a journal of my thoughts. Have therapy by myself sometimes. I do something small that is nice for just MYSELF every day.( Starbucks, hot bath, new book to read etc) Focus on our kids. All this helps keep me from lovebusting! Believe me fighting with your H wont help! I fought with mine for a month and all I got was his first moving out for 3 wks to be with OW then he moved back home but we kept arguing when I brought up the A and he was in secret contact with her after he moved back in and she convinced him that he should file for divorce on me which he did then he cancelled it the next day! That night we went to counseling where the counselor put us both in time-out for the next month- no talking at all about the A or moving out or divorce! Now we are starting counseling together after going separately a few times and H is starting to show more interest in it. Believe me I know this is hard but it is WORTH IT!lifeismessy