Last week I found out my wife is having an affair. Old high school friend. I posted the entire chain of events under the JUST FOUND OUT thread. Initially I was filled with rage, fear and deep pain. I still am in pain, but I am not angry with her. I love her deeply and for years,(married almost 8) I have negelected her emotional needs. We had a long talk last night. I dont want to hurt her. Last week both of our intial feeling was DIVORCE. Last night we really shared our feelings and pain with eachother. We cried. We both wonder what happened with us. I recommended that we not rush right into divorce and that a formal seperation for 1 yr would make better sense. She said that she felt I might be right. I told her that alot of things can happen in a year and that her situation might change our feelings might change etc. I want nothing more than to work it our with her, but I realize that I must give her the space and time she needs. We have a boy age 7 and girl age 6. They must be considered above all in this.<P>She is torn with mixed emotions and I am grieving. She lost her love for me as I depleted the love bank and never replensihed it. Another man was making deposits and that is where we are at now. My children will be with both of us regularly during this one year. I will help her fianancially as she has been a full time mom for the most part only working part time. She will now work more hours. <P>She will need time to see if she is making the right choice. Her emotions are not stable now and she recognizes this. Nor are mine. I do know I dont want to divorce, but I cant force her to see it differently. Time will tell. I just am concerned that I am enabling her. I realize the other man is meeting certain needs of hers (emotional) that I haven't. There are other needs that she has that I have been meeting that he cannot(financial, father to her children, provider, social status in community, etc.) The struggle will be how do I withdraw from her yet fulfill my obligation of support to her? <P>

wcm - I strongly recommend you not be so eager to separate. Don't assume the affair is over. By separating, it'll be easier for the affair to continue. You can do a much more efficient Plan A by staying together. If she still chooses to leave, don't be so eager to support her. You are partly responsible for creating the environment for the affair to occur, but you are not responsible for her decisions.<P>Please think about this.<P>WAT

I'll echo Worthatry's sentiments...please consider this VERY carefully. It will allow her to have the best of both worlds. I wouldn't be convinced it's "over" with the OM.