First let me apologize, I posted this in Plan A/B and Recovery, I'm THAT desperate and it kinda fits in both areas.<P>Ok, D-Day was 2 months ago and things have been going GREAT I haven't LB'd or brought up the A in over 3 weeks (a personal victory for me). Anyways, last night after dinner we were snuggling on the couch and I asked her if she was happy w/ how things were going she said YES and asked me the same, I of course said yes. Now the bad part. I then, calmly and respectfully asked if there was still no contact w/ OM, she became visablly uncomfortable and answered that there wasn't. I asked you're sure, she again said there was none. Here is where I have a problem, her reaction to that question. I quickly said OK and let it go. FYI: her A was a deep EA that led to PA.<P>Our evening continued and went great (as usual). We watched a movie, played video games, ate ice cream and even had sex Then I did it, because I was so bothered about her reaction to the no contact question, I re-visited it and asked if she got upset when I asked her about that, she said "yes". I apologized, but asked why it upset her, she replied "I have my reasons". I asked if she'd like to share them and she said "no". Well, as you can guess, she totally got bummed out and was upset until we went to bed. She doesn't like when I ask this so I don't do it alot, but I feel I should once in a while, is this ok? <P>Im freaked out....has there been contact?!? I need to know, fast. Do I let it go and assume that her fog and withdrawl from OM sparked her reaction or do I press the contact issue. My gut tells me to press it, something doesn't seem right. I could, of course, be over reacting (as I've done alot of since A). This is a major LB for her, in fact ANYTHING about the A is a LB. WHAT DO I DO???<P>Do I chance LBing to satify my paranoia or let it go and continue to Plan A, which is going quite well? <P>She is MUCH happier (my own observation) since D-day and Plan A implemented. I have been working my a** off working on the ENs I was lacking and it's going quite well, I have to say. I'm just afraid to push it and find out there is nothing to worry about and take any steps backward. I'm also afraid that there might have been contact, something I deserve to know about.<P>HELP!!! <P>...keeping a stiff upper lip<BR>SP

My quick reaction is let it go and get back to a better Plan A. ASSUME she was lying. Based on your description, I can't believe she wasn't. Don't press her. Strive for another record. Listen to those who have been where you are.<P>WAT

I have to agree with Dave...<P>Let it go...<P>Learn to forgive...<BR>...it means not bringing it up.<P>Don't ruin your good times...<BR>...that is very unproductive!<P>Plan A...<BR>...and work on the other 2 <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3900_rules.html" TARGET=_blank>Rules for a Successful Marriage</A>... honesty and time... with patience!<P> <P>Jim

Once again, I'll apologize for posting here and in Recovery but since I started this, I should do that.<P>I just got off the phone w/ W. She emailed me this morning and asked if I was mad about last night, if I was, she said I have to tell her. Well, I ran to the phone and talked to her. I explained that I wasn't mad, just concerned about the way she answered the no contact question. She assured me it wasn't that she was hidding something, but that the subject matter in general just bums her out. I told her I knew that and didn't mean to and won't talk about A until she is ready. We also agreed that while it may upset her a bit, it's ok if I ask about no contact once in a while. She went on to say that if she did have contact, she couldn't handle it so she avoids it at all costs <P>I asked that if it did happen if she would tell me, she said she would <P>Just wanted to update you all and to those who responded. Thanks for the quick responses, it really helped. <P>We had an WONDERFUL, caring phone conversation and reassured each other.<P>I learned something else this morning too, and I don't think she realizes she let me in on this. We were exchanging how happy and caring we've been lately, when I asked (yes again) if she was happy and felt the same way for me as I felt for her. She replied kind of jokingly "I'm still here ain't I". Wow! You think she came back to me to try it out and if it didn't get better she was gone? Scary feeling. I guess I'm even happier I'm addressing her missing ENs and being the best husband I can be. Also, she says in hindsight, it's now easier for her to see what was missing in our marriage not that she's has it (ENs). She says it makes more sense as to how an A was made easy to happen with her.<P>Thanks all ! <P>------------------<BR>...Keeping a stiff upper lip

That's great news! I think it's a good sign when WS asks how <I>you</I> are feeling. <BR>Yayyyyyyy!

Great news, SP! I'm so glad that your W called you in concern about things that happend the night before. It's refreshing to see the WS work at saving the marriage. Keep up the good work and best of luck to you and your wife.<P>------------------<BR>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!