Maybe I just need to vent a little...<BR>I would love to hear from other BS how they keep from LBing. My H ended the affair 5/12 - 2 days after he admitted it to me. I can't say there has been absolutely no contact - H won't commit to that because she's a "time bomb" right now and could ruin his career. I have to admit - I don't want to see his career ruined either. We move June 15 and that will cause complete physical separation.<P>I'm frustrated right now because I feel like I ruined what started out as a nice night. H & I went to dinner, talked a little about the A, but also about some other stuff. I admitted that I'm feeling EXTREMELY insecure, etc. right now. Looking back, I realize that I failed to say that I could really use as much affection and reassurance as he can muster right now.<P>That's always been a problem for me - it's like i set up these expectations in my head and when H fails to meet them (since he can't read my mind) I get disappointed/mad, etc. I realize that this has got to change - but how??<P>I'm also having trouble dealing with anger. I know it won't do any good to direct it at H, but I'm not good at keeping it all bottled up inside. How do I dispell it?<P>Any insights would be appreciated. I don't want to screw up our whole weekend.

Zila - it is very difficult to hold everything in. You are normal. There's no secret to not LB'ing. Just think before you speak or act and when in doubt, don't say it!<P>Based on what you described, you have an excellent chance for recovery. Keep this in mind when you feel yourself getting ready to LB. What I mean is, it could be so much more dismal. Imagine what you would be up against if your H hadn't admitted it and it was still in full force?<P>Please read everything you can find here. You'll discover that at your point in time, not only can you not expect anything from your H, you need to give, give, give!! Yep, completely backwards from what it should be.<P>Please don't squander your excellent opportunity. Good luck.<P>WAT

WAT<BR>Thanks for your encouragement. I don't want to squander the opportunity that many others would probably be ecstatic with. I am trying to focus on the positive. After reading many other posts, I am SO GRATEFUL that H told me and ended the affair. The way I'm feeling right now, I don't know how people put up with an ongoing affair. I sometimes feel crazy now, I can only imagine what that would have done to me.<P>I keep telling myself that this can't be rushed, it's going to take time, but it will get better. Sometimes I have a hardtime actually believing it though.<P>Think before I act/speak - that's my big downfall. I guess identifying the problem is a huge step toward correcting it.<P>I found a scripture verse that I'm trying to keep in mind at all times:<BR>"Don't let evil defeat you, but defeat evil with good."<BR>Romans 12:21 CEV

I just want you to know, I truly believe you can save your marriage. Please, please, don't vent all that anger, rage, and hurt to your husband. It is the biggest mistake you can make---I know, because that is what I did, and I ended up divorced. Your husband is still in the home, and that gives you such tremendous advantage. Do you have a female friend that you can confide in that will keep your trust? Please do not involve any family members, because that makes things more difficult. I would also like to suggest, the web site <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org." TARGET=_blank>www.restorem.org.</A> Erin and Dan have a restored marriage and do all they can to help others in this situation, from the Christian's perspective. Adultery is not always grounds for divoce, but an opportunity to show love and forgiveness. I read them and marriage builders everyday, to get the strength and support I need.

db713<BR>Thank you so much for your encouragement. I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through the further pain of a divorce on top of everything else.<P>I do believe that it is possible for my H and I to save our marriage. I keep telling myself that recovery is a process, it takes time and that there will be some backslides. but when those backslides come along, it's easy to because discouraged. I guess I just needed some encouragement.<P>I will check out the site you posted. Thank you for sharing.