My suggestion is that you start by reading all of the information on this websit and the book "Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Harley. The book and the MB website are a road map of how to handle your situtation. Look very closely to the Plan A and Plan B info on the web site.<P>As for telling the other man's (OM) wife? YOur wife is using this as black mail. Do you really think that if you tell her, it will make a difference one way or the other as to if your wife stays with you? I doubt it. She is either going to come out of the fog or she is not going to.<P>I personally feel very strongly that the OM's wife needs to know. I feel that it is our moral obligation to tell a person who we know is being injured that this is going on. If you do, do it out of kindness. This woman is goig to be torn apart as you well know. Also do it wisely. When you tell her, give her a copy of the book "Surviving an Affair" and the URL for this web site. She will need support and the road map. It may work very well if the two of you are Plan A'ing and Plan B'ing your spouses at the same time.<P>By the way, there is always the chance that the OM may decide to drop the affair to save his marriage. <P>If you do decide to tell her, take a few days to become well versed on the MB phylosophy. Because all hell may break loose and you don't know what is going to come your way. You may have a very upset jilted wife coming home, or who knows what else.<P>Tell me, have your actions up to this point been very affective? If not then change them, do something 180 degrees different.... just a thought. <P>Through all of this, no matter how much you are hurt, remember that she is your wife and you love her. So do not do intentional harm. But only that which you need to do to protect yourself and your marriage.<P>IMHO<P>Z<P><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare
