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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 120
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OP
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 120 |
Hi everyone. I'm new to the discussions, but unfortunately not new to the situation (10 months of Plan A now). I've just started plan B. In Surviving An Affair, Dr. H recommends sending the plan B letter to the OM, but he doesn't seem to explain the reasoning behind it. Can anyone enlighten me?<P>Thanks in advance.<P>Ishmael
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 4,297
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 4,297 |
I am not sure on this but do have a hunch. I believe that the reason is to let the OP know, beyond a doubt how the BS feels. In the Plan B letter in SAA, Jon states that he understands his contribution to the breakup of the marriage and the he loves Sue and wants to save their marriage. It is a very strong statement of love and commiment. Doing this prevents the WS from telling the OP some distorted version of what the BS said in the letter. It also lets the OP know what the ground rules are - no contact at all. Though not stated in the typical Plan B letter, it also means that the OP should not contact the BS either.<P>Just my 2 cents<P>Z<P><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 120
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OP
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 120 |
Thanks for the reply. I appreciate it.<P>Ish
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 50
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 50 |
Ishmael...sorry that you've been in this mess so long. We're both on the long end of results (nearly 8 months for me). I know how exhausting it can be! I wrote the OM a no contact letter to go along with W's. I don't know if she gave to him, but I've thought along the lines of Zorweb's reply: that the OP probably has been told something else other than how committed you are to saving your marriage. Even if she hasn't said anything one way or the other, the OP is usually led to believe a divorce is eminent. Maybe wishful thinking on their part! I would send one so that there is NO misunderstanding on where you are coming from.<P>Good luck.<P>IFS/Mark
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 120
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OP
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 120 |
Thanks Mark. You convinced me.
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