* You can read my story at Infidelitysupportnetwork under tell us your story.<BR>Presently, my H is with ow in another state and we are legally separated. After revealing his A, and months of begging him to reconsider our marriage, and then emotional abuse from him, I left. He was not in the US at the time, and was actually with ow in another country. I didnt know about this site, and after my therapist said she couldnt willingly help me put my marriage back together with someone who felt no remorse (H) then I decided it must be over...no hope. But, I have recently been steered here by several wonderful people (Hurtwife thankyou)and would like some advice on what steps to take to reconcile with my husband.<BR>1. I decided to file for divorce, not really wanting it, but feeling as though I could handle no more rejection from H. Should I stop divorce proceedings and let him file if that is what he really wants?<BR>2. After so much emotional abuse by H-blaming me for A etc..-I asked that the judge place a restraining order on my H so he would leave me alone...I also had one placed on me by judge not by H...Should I ask for that to be removed or should I keep it? And if I keep it, how can I institute Plan A?<BR>3. I did a Plan A almost by myself without really knowing it, but got frustrated with my H for swaying back and forth between me and ow. Should I skip Plan A and move to Plan B.<BR>4. Actually, I am in Plan B...no contact for 3 months...I moved out, etc...but divorce is final in August.Do I continue with Plan B? Do I contact husband?<BR>5. Lastly, my husband is military, and has received no punishment by the military. I was ignored by them as was my attorney. I recently contacted my state representative who has contacted the military on my behalf...my H may be punished by discharge or imprisonment...How would this affect reconciliation? (My anger is evident I know)<BR>I just really am between a rock and a hard place here. Please help with any relevant comments or suggestions. Thank you so much.<P>------------------<BR>Truthiseek

truthiseek,<P>1. I decided to file for divorce, not really wanting it, but feeling as though I could handle no more rejection from H. Should I stop divorce proceedings and let him file if that is what he really wants?<P>We all know that you are hurting and I feel for you. I know that it is very difficult. I don’t know how it works your my state, but one of the parties has to file for a final hearing. Has that happened in your situation? If not consult with your attorney about slowing the process for a while. That will give you time to plan your next move. <BR> <BR>2. After so much emotional abuse by H-blaming me for A etc..-I asked that the judge place a restraining order on my H so he would leave me alone...I also had one placed on me by judge not by H...Should I ask for that to be removed or should I keep it? And if I keep it, how can I institute Plan A?<P>Well, the one thing that I have learned on this site is that we do play a part in our WS’s A. I know that is not something that you wanted to hear. Read the book on Surviving an Affair. You can get it off this site. If you fear that your H will harm you then no let the protection order stand. <P>3. Lastly, my husband is military, and has received no punishment by the military. I was ignored by them as was my attorney. I recently contacted my state representative who has contacted the military on my behalf...my H may be punished by discharge or imprisonment...How would this affect reconciliation? (My anger is evident I know)<BR>I just really am between a rock and a hard place here.<P>I am in the military and we just had a member of my command punished for adultery. It really depends on the local commander if they want to punish a service member for this. I feel that adultery is conduct unbecoming and shouldn’t be tolerated. I know that it is that way in my branch of the service.<P>Indy<BR>

You need to make a decision on whether you want to save your marriage or not...<P>Continuing the divorce...<BR>Proceeding with military intervention...<BR>...are a clear sign to him... you <B>don't</B> want a reconciliation...<BR>...your words may be saying one thing... your actions... another.<P>Think things through...<P> <P>Jim

Do not make things easier for him if you want him back. Don't file for divorce (let him do it).<BR>Get in touch with him sometimes (don’t push to much)<BR>Do not do things to hurt him but also do not do things to help him.<BR>Plan A in your case seems still better one. I mean even if you are already in plan B try to go back to plan A as often as you can. That's my advice but may not be right.<BR>I only know what worked for me. One has to swallow his pride in order to make other one feel guilty and realize his wrongdoing. Simple as can be!<BR>