I am completely blown away. My spouse told me he was no longer interested in me sexually because I "crossed the line" in failing to meet emotional needs and being a real partner (which was true). This was end of June 2000. From then on I accepted the blame for the desintigration of the marriage and began Plan A-ing in ernest since it had all been my fault and I pushed him over the edge. We started joint counseling from October 2000 to June 2001 with no substantial change and him continuing to say I just don't feel the same way. I moved into an apartment in Jan. 2001 thinking the space would help rekindle his love and desire. In June 2001 I found indisputable evidence of an affair and that he had been lying to me since May 2000 about seeing a former long term lover. I confronted him with it two weeks ago (early June 2001) and got a confession. That means he deceived the therapist and I for eight months. I refused to see him after finding and confronting him with the evidence but not officially Plan-B. He then said he wanted to pursue a relationship with her and that I should move on with my life and not wait for him anymore. After that call I was devastated because I thought it was over. Later that day he calls, wants to talk, invites me over (I don't go). Next day after reading all the Plan B stuff I e-mailed him and said I understood his confusion but that I would'nt see him until the affair was over. Two days later he expressed sincere remorse for the affair, told me I was beautiful and said it was our house, not his house; said it was our property, not his property and said the pets were ours, not his. I am blown away that Plan-B worked THAT FAST!!!! I had honestly thrown in the towel and truly believed it was completely over! Could this stuff possibly be that effective? Or, is it that the affair was no secret anymore and the reality of the possible loss of me hit him in the face? I'm amazed.(I realize that alot more needs to be discussed and agreed to but what a start!).

Ok, I hate to burst the bubble, but still be prepared for the emotional roller coaster ride. Good on ya for not seeing him when he first called. That would be tough. So, maintain your ground. Be firm about the affair. You can be kind and gentle but you also must be wise as a serpent... very astute and aware of your surroundings. A serpent won't usually attack unless threatened... they stop in their place and assess their surroundings. <P>It all may be good, but I've been on these boards a few months now and read about the ups and downs... get a plan fast and stick to what you believe to be right, true and good. <P>What a shocker that he kept it from you all those months! How did you find out anyway? What was the evidence?<P>------------------<BR><I>As iron sharpens iron, so does one wo/man sharpen another...</I> Prov 27:17

The evidence was her clothes neatly folded in the master bedroom dresser; photos of them at the 2000 Kentucky Derby; and a bald-faced lie which he admitted about a "business" trip to Atlanta (where he met her) for the weekend. Incidentally, since my big surpirse posting, I have'nt heard from him; not even a message on machine at work....I wonder what is next.....?