Finally able to get through to my dear W that we needed to talk and make a decision on what we are going to do. She agreed that we have not made much progress. We agreed to talk after supper but when that time came, I was faced with what has been typical. She didn't want to talk and defenses were up again.<P>I started by saying I was gonna do more listening this time. Still no response. I began to ask some very general "yes or no" type questions and she still resisted being open. The most telling answer was that she didn't want to hurt me by explaining herself. I should add that I've been living this nightmare for 8 months. Every day and usually in to the night. <P>She began to cry and slowly started to talk. I'm getting the idea that she's in love with the OM (says she's not sure), loves me but maybe doesn't feel the physical attraction she thinks she should feel (not "in love"?). She said she is tired of sneaking around. <P>I went back to the idea that she commit to "trying" for a period of time (the end of summer) before we make a decision on what to do with our marriage. I believe that if she can keep the OM out of the picture for a couple of months, she will see what she has (with me). She must agree NOT to tell him of this time-period suggestion. That won't be fair to any of us. Several times, she mentioned that she didn't want to make the wrong decision - but does that mean me or the OM? I sometimes think she'd like to be with the OM if we could remain "friends" and if our son could live with that (her sister is currently doing that). I told her, if I were him, I'd want to give her some space (which is what I've been doing). He has been so unrelenting in his efforts to woo her, this may end up being his UNDOING; it can be a BIG LB. <P>I am not sure where we'll be in a few months. She seemed a whole lot better when we finished talking, like a large weight had been lifted. She can not see why I still love her no matter what she does or why I could forgive her. She needs to forgive herself first.<P>If this does not work, I will be forced to Plan B.

Dear Ifeelstupid,<P>I'd swear you were listening to conversations that my wife and I have had about her feelings for the OM and myself. I can't believe how much of this I read on these forums. No one should have to go through the pain you and I are going through. I'm sorry you've been through this eight months. I'm at two and a half so far. Good luck with you plans. I'm still trying to learn how to Plan A without major lovebusters along the way. At least my W has agreed to counseling with Steve H. Maybe some outside counseling would help your W also before jumping to Plan B.