It was suggested to me that I try plan A with my husband. However, i'm not exactly sure what to do with it. My husband hasn't had an affair...he just doesn't feel like he loves me anymore.<P>I'm not sure if Plan A would work for this situation. Any ideas or suggestions?

fishlady:<P>As you mentioned, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> is generally used to attempt to end an active affair, by having the betrayed spouse learn new behaviors and respectfully negotiate an end to the affair. However, Plan A can be equally effective as a template to help coax a spouse out of the "withdrawl" state of the marriage, too.<P>Basically, it boils down to following the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3900_rules.html" TARGET=_blank>Four Rules for a Successful Marriage</A> (which have grown to more than four---f you check under Concepts, the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_summary.html" TARGET=_blank>summary</A> elaborates on these. Plan A is a modification of the four rules for affairs. You should make a solid attempt of learning new marital behaviors and establishing a consistant track frecord with your husband to help him fall back in love with you. In order of importance:<P>1. Eliminate lovebusters (Rule of Protection). You must change any bad behaviors that you have in your marriage. Even though you may meet your husband's needs, lovebusters can ruin that. This is a top priority.<P>2. Meet his needs, in the way that he would like them met (you have to be OK with it too). This is the Rule of Care. Your husband may be unwilling to have <B>you</B> meet some of these needs right now, but you should focus on meeting important needs of his that he's willing to let you meet. Again, consistancy is a key!<P>3. Spend quality time together (the Rule of Time). Harley recommends at least 15 hours/week of "alone" time between the two of you. Strive to make it happen---it gives you opportunity to meet each other's needs, and fall back in love.<P>4. The rule of honesty. The goal is to be in a marriage where you can tell your spouse anything. At this point, you should focus on RECEIVING honesty from him without lovebusting in return. Encourage his honesty, even if it may hurt your feelings.

Well said K, I couldn't have said it better.<P>BTW fishlady, It DOES work <P><P>------------------<BR>...Keeping a stiff upper lip<BR>-Scarlet Pumpernickle<BR>s_pumpernickle@yahoo.com