My husband and I have been together for 11 years, seven of which we've been married. He has had several extramarital affairs in the past but he has one affair currently going on for the last year, I think it has been longer but that's what he tells me. I can't understand why this woman knowing he is married and I know about the affair will continue to see him until he decides to end the relationship with her. She knows he loves me and that we are staying together. He wants to move ou t stating he needs to get his life in order. I'm afraid I'll lose him because he still has outside ties and whether he stays or goes nothing will be resolved when the other parties are involved. He says he wants to stay married. I'm so confused by all of this, I' tried to speak with this other woman but she just calls him and nothing ever gets resolved.<BR>Help me to understand give me suggestions on how to handle this situation. I don't want to leave him. I want to rebuild what we once had. I feel her influences may be stronger than mine. I'm still in love with this man and would like to rebuild this marriage. Help me please.<P>------------------<BR>RAV

You've come to the right place. Please check out the site, particularly Plan A. A great book is "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley and another one I found useful is "After the Affair" Janis Abrams Spring.<BR>You say your husband says he wants to stay married, but he cannot seriously focus on your marriage if OW is in the picture, and no contact with OW is essential. <BR>Anyway - definitely start on Plan A. There is hope.<BR>Maybe post on the Just Found Out forum or General Questions for more response.<P>Anyone else have more words with greater wisdom?<p>[This message has been edited by Alberta (edited June 26, 2001).]

Can'tUnderstand,<P>You have come to the right place. But you've got a lot of homework ahead of you. Read as much as you can here at this site, and the books by Harley et al.<P>I would also suggest that you think for a moment about what is going on that your husband is, evidently, a serial betrayer. (I may have coined a new term). And think about that in the context of what you read here and in the books.<P>For right now, go right to Harley's articles about Plan A and do that until you've finished your reading and research. You have a lot of information to understand, but it will be well worth it.<P>Take care, and God bless,<P>Ish