My H refuses to quit seeing OW and refuses to separate and move in to plan B. He says that he will kill himself if he can't be with the kids and me. He is in the "I want my cake and be able to eat it too" phase and has been from the beginning. I found out about the affair on 4/1/01 and have been in Plan A since. Plan A has been successful in that we are very close and are meeting each other’s first and most important emotional needs. Sexual fulfillment for H and affection for me. I don't understand how my H can come home, love me, be so passionate in our marriage, and then turn right around and need her too! It is so confusing to me. Are there any WS's out there that have gone through this phase, and tell me have you been able to disconnect from the OW/OM and recover your marriage? I just want out from this emotional roller coaster ride. It is so painful and disrepecting. I told him that I can no longer provide him with sexual fulfillment provided he is still receiving sexual fulfillment from OW. He is taking this as a major rejetion and feels as though I no loner love him. I have continued to provide him with affection, which is his second most important emotional need. But unfortunately, he still feels rejected. I've explained that I feel disrespected by him and the OW and I wish not to continue enabling him in this fog that he is burying himself in. <P>I have been working hard on taking one day at a time, and have improved myself by taking better care of myself. I've lost 50 lbs and joined an all ladies gym where I frequent about every other day. I power walk each day at the office during my lunch time. I've added more recreational activities such as hiking and camping with the kids and my sister. My H chooses not to participate....he's a workaholic and would rather spend time making more money. Please tell me what I do with my H. I'm dying inside.<P>Shelly Sorci<BR><P>------------------<BR>Shelly

<B>My H refuses to quit seeing OW and refuses to separate and move in to plan B.</B><BR>It isn’t up to him to “move into Plan B.” It’s up to you to do it. He doesn’t agree/not agree to do it.<P>I believe it’s far too early for you to go into Plan B. You need to do at least 3 months of a solid Plan A.<P>You need to read “Surviving An Affair” and Url=http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html and fully understand them, apply them & understand the timelines.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Your'e right. It's my decision to move into Plan B. My H makes it emotionally difficult. I'm going to have to be firm. I just spoke to Dr Steve Harley, and he also convinced me of the same. Thank you to both of you for your support. I feel much stronger now in doing what I know I need to do to protect myself and the kids.<P>I have been in plan A now for 3 months. Long enough! My love bank is so depleted that I'm risking loosing control. And I need to be certain that we separate with my H knowing that he can return (only after he has permanetly separated from OW) to a safe and loving enviorment. I have read "Surviving an Affair", and How to Avoid Love Busters". I'm now listening to the "His Needs Her Needs" cassette tapes and I'm really enjoying them. I've been on the MB website since DDay. And yes, it has been helpfun and supportive. I'm certain that by now, I would have filed for divorce had it not been for Dr Harley.<P>Thanks and God Bless you Chris<BR>Your response was so supportive!<P>Shelly