I gave my H the Plan B letter on Tuesday. H left in March. Found out about A in April. Have been trying to Plan A since. Just finding it too difficult to keep loving him when he can't decide. We went to a family reunion last week Thursday - Sunday. H and I had a great time. He lied to OW and told her I wouldn't be there. OW investigated and called our room. OW got really mad and gave H a letter of her own upon our return. She dumped H, but was calling him by the next day! H told me he knows his place is at home, but just doesn't know how to get there. H told me after the weekend that he couldn't believe the wonderful changes in me since he left home. But, H also told me that it wasn't his decision to end the A. So, by Tuesday I knew that I couldn't keep letting him have is cake and eat it too. I gave H the letter at our house (he was mowing the lawn). Then I left. It was a really sucky 4th of July for me. I had prayed over the Plan B letter for a week, and I know this is the best for me right now. I'm in serious withdrawal though. We've talked every day since he left in March. Basically, we've talked every day since we met (with a few out of town days here and there). We've been together 16 1/2 yrs. H called last night about 8:15 p.m. He hung up when I answered. I knew it was him because there's a way to check that on the phone. He called again 10 minutes later and did the same thing. I made the mistake of calling him back and asking why he was calling and hanging up. He said "I just wanted to hear your voice." I said "don't call and hang up on me, o.k.? Then I said good bye." Any words of wisdom here??

I've seen similar things on the General Question II forum. It seems that the WS will do all sorts of things to test your resolve. Stick by your guns on this one. No contact means no contact. <P>you might want to go post over there. The board is much more active and people have been giving great support to people in Plan B.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

<B>Any words of wisdom here??</B><BR>Plan B is not easy on (usually) either spouse.<P>He called because you said you would not speak with him. He is checking up to see if this is so.<P>It’s along the same reason his ow gave him a nasty gram & wanted him back the next day. It is a move to keep you in play.<P>Be strong. As long as it was explained in the letter what & why you were doing it, then no need to explain to him.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Plan B can make the heart grow fonder? Maybe, like him wanting to hear your voice??!!??! But you need more than just being fonder. You need comitment. OW can be fonder in fact that's how she got him but still no commitment either. <P>So if you are in plan B then plan B him until he can commit or decide. Then you can plan your future. <P>Easy to say, hard to do. Now I am in a forced plan B. Guess what? I am hurting now but I know I will get better, it still doesn't stop the pain. <P>L.<BR>

MOM...<P>Ever had children test your limits? Ever had your kids check on whether you were blowing smoke and if you would follow through on threats of discipline? <BR>Well, WS are notorious children!! The only difference is that the stakes are higher. WE need to know you still love us. We will look for any sign that there is still a chance for us to come back. We, too, go through withdrawal when faced with Plan B (I refer to it, lovingly, as reality therapy since you are no longer there to take care of us, coddle us, and keep us happy). We are looking for any reinforcement we can find. When we get it, we know we can stall a bit longer!! DO NOT GIVE THIS TO HIM. If he gets you to react, he is in control. Think of the child that throws the tantrum, and Mom or Dad give them what they want to quiet them. WS are no different...if you cave in on Plan B, H knows he is in the drivers seat and you cant/dont want to live without him!!<P>Keep the faith!! You ARE doing the right thing!!<P>*Out of our greatest fears, come our greatest deeds!*<P>Trueheart