<BR>I am having a really bad day. I was up almost all night crying. And it started again today. I want my husband to come home. I HATE him for what he's doing to me!!! I HATE the thing he's with!!!! This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go thru. I don't want to anymore. I'm not gonna make it.

MITZI YOU WILL MAKE IT!!!!!!!!<BR>are you on any meds BTW? they do help.<P>please, relax, calm down, find some soothing music on th stereo...calm down. we all know the despair, anger, hurt, loss, etc...<P>a few months ago, i didnt think i could, but thru the help of meditation, friends, posting, email, excersize, and many othe things, i have gotten thru the tough times.<P>is there anything you coan do for a charity, i know when i felt my life was so terrible- i found someone who had it much worse. <P>please relax, i hope my cyber-shoulder has helped.

No I'm not taking any meds but I think last night and today have shown me that I need them. I just want my heart to stop hurting. I've had one decent day in the last week. It seems like I'm feeling worse instead of feeling a little better every day.<BR>I don't know how to keep myself busy. I just don't have the energy anymore.

you sound like you are going into a deep depression- very normal. call your doctor and make an appt- ok? <P>maybe a hot tub? a hot bath and a cigar with some miles davis helps.<P>the hurt gets better- it dont go away, it just becomes a part of you, mitzi. hang on...<P>welcome new people to the forum<BR>answer other posts<BR>call an old friend<BR>read<BR>sleep ( i know its hard) <BR>try to relax<BR>you can do it.

Mitzi,<BR> I don't know your whole story since I took a couple of months break from here. I first came here in May and posted here many many times. The bad times are hard and there is no easy way through it. You have many friends here who are willing to help you through the rough times. Do something nice for yourself, you are a good person and need to treat yourself well. You are strong enough to make it and if you need help that is ok. Don't be afraid to talk to conselors or get meds, you are strong enough to know what you need. You are going to make it! Try and Smile Monique

I just talked to my mother in law. She's been a BIG help. I'm feeling a little better, but not much. <BR>Monique:<BR>I have another post on page 2 I think (My husband left) and another (I caught the OW) It's basically my story. <BR>Covenant:<BR>Thanks for the shoulder. Believe me I'm really needing it now. I'm trying to deal with this AND take care of 3 young children (ages 10, 7, and 2) basically by myself. I keep thinking if only he didn't drink so much, maybe he'd be thinking a little clearer. Maybe she wouldn't seem so great to him. Maybe I'd look a little better to him. I just miss him.

Mitzi, I've been where you are. I, however, was the one who left after nearly a year of not being loved, being lied to, etc, etc, etc. I was "lost" not having him. I always thought he was my best friend. I layed awake many a night. Time healed many of my wounds. Now HE is the one miserable and telling me he loves me. Now, though, I don't know that I can leave my family, my 23 year job, etc. to be with him because he needs to resolve his inner conflicts and find happiness with himself. <P>I was able to do that for myself by doing things I enjoy, taking care of my body and physical self (something I do admit I had neglected through the years) and finding out my own self worth. Do that for you and he will notice. Hopefully he will do the same and then he'll be ready to talk.

Mitzi,<BR> I read your story and feel for you. Don't worry I think that if you keep being yourself he will wake up one morning over the toilet in OW house and take a good look at his life and what he threw away. Read the books that were suggested to you. You have a long road ahead of you whatever happens. Don't give up. Your children need you to be strong. Love them and be so grateful that you have them to love. I know that my words don't help the pain. Call a counslor, you need to get some help dealing with all of this. If you live in a big town, most colleges have counselors on staff that are very inexpensive. Monique

I live in a small town ,but we have a family crisis center that offers counseling (I believe it's free). I don't want to have to wait for him to hit bottom. I'm miserable now and want him to at least be anywhere else but with OW. Then maybe we could have a chance to get back and get better. I know we need to work on his drinking, before WE can work. I just didn't have alot of self-esteem before. And him leaving didn't make me feel any better about myself. This sucks so bad!!!

mitzi, honey, thanks for your post to me today.<P>something i noticed about your post.."I know WE need to work on HIS drinking"<P>WRONG. you don't need to work on HIS anything..(something I keep forgetting myself).<P>Please read everything on the Women's Bible Study forum. You might also want to order The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian, it's a paperback, less than $15, you may even find it in a Christian bookstore.<P>And please order and read this book:<BR>"Holding On to Heaven While Your Husband Goes Through Hell" by Connie Neal..you can get it from Amazon. Yes, I know you probably don't feel like reading, but I promise you, this will help ten times over the price of the book. It details the concept of three gardens: Yours, His, and your Jointly Tended garden. If you start messing around in his garden, the weeds will spring up, both in yours and the jointly tended garden. Don't expect him to appreciate you messing in his domain, no one does. <P>Pray pray pray, be good to yourself (Taj just told me the same thing, so it must be good advice!)<P>hugs, <P>lizzie<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

MITZI- LOOK AT <A HREF="http://WWW.DRIRENE.COM." TARGET=_blank>WWW.DRIRENE.COM.</A> especially the point of codependency- you cant save him- iknow, god knows, i tried to save her....we cant. she has to want it.,

I know it's useless to try and save him. And Liz, I know his drinking isn't my problem. I just feel kinda useless, I guess because there's nothing I can do for him. I don't want to think of my marriage as hopeless, I want to think it has a chance. But I guess I have to just tur it over to God. I just hope is will is that H gets help and we get the chance that I think our marriage and family deserve.

{{{{{{{{{{<B>mitzi</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>mitzi</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>mitzi</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>mitzi</B>}}}}}}}}}},<BR>{{{{{{{{{{<B>mitzi</B>}}}}}}}}}},<P>I feel so bad for you...<P>Yes... get some anti-depressants... they take abou a month to kick in... don't get your hopes up to high for an immediate reaction...<P>You've replied to my post on "Second session..." Did you read the details?....<BR>In it... I (you and I and others... in Plan A) have a long wait... 6 months... 12 months... maybe 2 years or even more. Reach out to us all the time... we'll be there.<P>Don't think you've lost your faith... Think of it as a new search...<P>God will take care of you... <BR>We'll be here for you too... <P><B>You are loved mitzi!</B>... there is nothing your H can do to remove our support for you!<P>Jim

My God, I don't know what I'd be doing now without the support. It scares me to think about it. <BR>Jim: I've read everything you've posted or replied. You have so much love and faith. You are such a kind man and I'm so glad I can call you "friend". Your wisdom surpasses anything I have heard before. You are truly an amazing person!<BR>The day is getting a little easier. I know he's not with her tonight so that helps. But tomorrow he will be (unless by some miracle he decides he is willing to work with me instead of against me!!)

Mitzi, <BR>Many of us have been where you are right now...I can remember many a night where I cried and didn't sleep a wink...but as time goes by, I got a better focus on myself, my life, and what was important to me. You will, too, as you get a grip on everything. Anyone who has not been through this cannot know how devastating it is to all. But you will be ok...get to your dr. and takre care of yourself. <P>------------------<BR>Susan<P><BR>