Hello, all...<P>I'm going to be giving my W some space in the next few weeks, moving to a new apartment so that she has time to work on herself and figure out what she wants. I've been Plan A'ing as much as she'll let me, and intend to keep Plan A'ing after I move.<P>I'd love your stories on how to best do this, and what to avoid... She is expecting us to continue contact (especially me with our little girl -- my stepdaughter) and while she has refused to end the A, she has said that she has no long term decisions made... We both acknowledge the possibility that we will reconcile.<P>Any help is greatly appreciated,<P>zen

zen...<P>I think that Plan A during your seperation is what it is all about. I would keep contact with her completely about your little girl. I would keep it business like and give her all the space and time she needs. It is a tough call, but maybe doing without you in her life, she will realize what you two have/had, and want that back. I think if you continue contact while you are seperated, AND she gets contact with OM, she has the best of both worlds...she has you out of the house, gets to see/contact OM, but when all that falls short, she then has you? NO WAY...you deserve better than that!! I would tell her that Plan A is still in effect, as far as you are concerned, and once she has no contact rule with OM, then you and she can talk about reconciliation possibilities. I think if you continue contact while she *finds herself*, you are going to be used. I would keep all contact about your little girl, but that is just my opinion. I guess I am really sick and tired of the BS in here bowing to the demands of the WS and giving them what the WS says they need. I am almost thinking I need a break...LOL...and I am a WS!! I am just so sick of seeing WS that set up the rules or say what their needs are and leave the BS hanging. (Sorry Zen, I got off on a tangent!) Keep the faith, my friend.<P>Trueheart

Zen:<P>I also think you can continue to Plan A while separated but I think you need some ground rules...a balance of power shift takes place that puts WH squarely in the driver's seat (or they think it does)....ground rules help to maintain the status quo...here are some examples:<P>1. BS will still have a life and will not conform his/her plans to fit WH and OP. <P>2. BS will not pick up the slack (childcare, finacial arrangements, family obligations, etc) just because WS finds it inconvenient to do so and maintain other relationship. <P>3. BS is not a free baby sitting service, information service, conduit to family (sorry Lostva, I leave you here)<BR>and is no longer in charge of social calendar.<P>4. The gist of this is...BS is a package deal...if WS wants to separate and be by themselves then a lot of the "free" services of marriage are "suppended until further notice"....pending clearing of the fog.<P>5. BS must protect themselves because WS will use them to make other relationship flourish (and that is not definitely not what BS wants to happen). We want this separation to be as hard on WS as it is on us. <P>Anyone else think of any other ground rules...I'd like to have some more to consider since I'm dealing with this same situation myself...trying to maintain Plan A without getting stomped, trampled or taken advantage of.<P>I know one thing I have had to do is to draw back and protect my heart...this situation is a real heart breaker if you let it be....just protect yourself by setting limits...and not backing down from them.<P>Faye<BR>

Zen,<P>Boy do I agree with TrueHeart and Buffy. I too am appauled at what I see some many BS's here putting up with. Don't let ourself be abused. I won't repeat what they said. But will back it up.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare