I'm kind of an invader but I hope I can find some help here.<BR>I'll start with the backround and follow with what is going on now and just hope someone responds.<P>I'm an invader because I am not married but my "wife" and I have been living together for almost 7 years and we have a little girl soon to be 6. (We moved in together after an unplanned pregnancy.)<P>It has been a rocky road for us as you might imagine, we did get engaged for a while but she called it off, that was almost three years ago.<P>10 months ago(late September) she told me she quit on our relationship and that while she had no plan, she was going to leave me. She said she warned me many times that she would get to the point where she would not want "us" anymore and that when that happened there would be no going back for her. About this time she came to me and said that there were rumors around her office that she was having an affair with a married man there. She told me it was not true and since she came to me about this I believed her. She swears up and down even today that at the time it was true but that something did start within a month of that time(late October). Well, after she told me about the rumors I started to see some red flags waving and in March of this year I received a call from this guys wife telling me that an affair was in progress. She denied denied denied until I revealed that this woman had followed her husband and saw them together in our car. FYI this guy has a 1 1/2 year old little girl. She told me she knew it was wrong and that they tried to stop seeing each other many times but about December they realized they were in love.<BR>She says the affair has nothing to do with how she feels about me because she had quit on us before it started.<P>Well where are we now, you might be wondering. I love her and I want to save my family. Even though she said she was leaving last October she is still here, she says because of financial reasons only, she will never change how she feels about me. I'm sure she is still seeing this guy at least on some level, his wife threw him out and they are in the process of divorcing after 14 years with a now almost 2yo girl. I stumbled on this site one day and put plan A in place here. What it has gotten me is kind of one step forward, one step back, its been in effect for about 3 months. She has NEVER said anything to me about even considering staying here, although she is still here. We have these periods where we have great conversations(nothing relationship related) just friend stuff and we do things with our daughter (movie, dinner) but every couple of weeks something happens to raise tension. Just tonight, the "gang" from work went out because someone was leaving their job and I know he will be there. Forget the fact they are together at work everyday anyway, there is just something galling about seeing them together in a bar. She says she is in love with him and cannot cut herself away from him but there is nothing physical happening ( I dont believe it but I say nothing)<P>I know this is getting long and I appreciate you reading it all and you may need more information in order to give me some advice. I'll sum it up. I love her and want to make it work, she says she does not want me anymore. Yes she is in love with someone else but that has nothing to do with how she feels about us. She wants to leave but it has been almost 1 year and she is still here (me in bed, her on couch, her choice, 14 months since we have had sex, also her choice) She is still seeing him. I think she may be a little confused although she would deny that to the grave. Feels she is trapped by finances. My counselor says bull, she may feel trapped but if she truly wanted to go she could leave any second and I couldn't stop her. Maybe it is my daughter keeping her here??? I pray I still have a chance, do I?? Am I a fool in denial? Should I stick to Plan A? I think it helps a little but the steps back are hard to avoid. What is her state of mind? Any help greatly appreciated. Thanks

havachance,<P> Wow, you were right that is a long post. You may want to move over to the GQII forum. There is more traffic over there. I know that you say that you love her, but this is been going on for 18 months. She has told you that she is done. Have you considered Plan B? That will be difficult on you and you child, but from your post it sounds like she is using you for your money. I think that I would start a plan B if I was in your position. My prayers are with you.<P>Indy

Thanks for your reply. Just an aside, she makes more money than me so I don't think she is usung me for money. We need both our incomes to maintain our lifestyle and put a little away each month. When it comes to the finances, on a few occasions she has said, "If you felt the way I did you know you would find a way to make it possible financially" I handle the financial affairs. My response has been, "You are right, if I were you and I wanted to leave I would stop shopping at Ann Taylor, etc. save that extra money from your check, stop suggesting we go eat out, etc", but she has not altered her lifestyle one iota. Seems she does not want to pay the price necessary to get what she says she wants. Possibly?