I'm going to do the Reader's Digest version here...I have been married for 17 years. My wife and I have two children. Three years ago I had an affair with a co-worker. My wife found out and the affair stopped. I have not had any contact with OW for almost three years. My wife decided to remain in the marriage. During the next two years we did not seek counselling nor did we (me specifically) make significant changes in our relationship and old relating habits soon resurrected themselves. My wife warned me that I was loosing her. Then last fall she sought out an extramarital relationship. I found out about it this past winter. We have been in limbo ever since. She states that there was only one sexual encounter. She contiued to see OM on occasion when opportunities were made available (OM lives a couple of hours away) and speaks with OM fairly regular on the phone during her work day or at home when I am out. Regarding our marriage, she wants a separation. I have, over the past 3 months since she has made this request, moved out on two occasions for a total of 2 months. Each time I moved back in it was a result of me finding out that she had continued contact with OM despite her statements to the contrary. I felt like the fool. I moved out to satisfy her and she continues the relationship right under my nose. She continues to desire a separation. I feel pinned. I do not want to destroy any prospect of a reconciliation but I can't leave my children and live in a motel room. I truly love my wife. I can feel & see the toll that this stress has taken on her and likewise the effects that this has had on me. Looking for some advice.

You should not move out of your home and leave your children. Your wife needs to realize that dispite your history you are the father to those children. <P>Please read the material on this web site and the book Surviving an Affair. These are the road maps to saving your marrriage.<P>I'm falling asleep here so will check back later.<P>Z

If I stay what do I do? I've read plan A & B but I'm not sure that A would work and B to me suggests that I should force her out of the house. Not going to happen. Confused.<BR>We are both at polar opposites, I wnat to work on this marriage and she wants separation.

tbone,<P>You know what it is like to be on both sides. So does your W. Now you both need to heal. Unfortunately, you are the one that needs to have the patience and the willing spirit. <P>Be there for your family, be there for you and your W. In time, things will clear up. How and when, no one can say. Your days to recovery will seem long and hard. But there will be recovery. If not for both, then for you. <P>In the meantime, don't give up. It looks hopeless but it is not. Count the things that ARE blessings in your life. Remind yourself and your wife of these blessings. <P>Keep posting here. We will be here for support. <P>L.<BR>