can anyone tell me how to plan a and be good at it so that you dont give off wierd vibes to your ws?<BR>some backgrond on my sit. at 'just found out'<BR>the family went out of town this weekend together. had a good time. when we got home i checked a few things out at home and something was askew that got my mind to wondering if she saw om before they picked me up at work before we left town. the evidence is pretty strong that she did see om and had sex. she immediatly noticed that something was wrong with me and asked. i just told her that i was tired and she let it go . thats what i mean about wierd vibes .anyway i wanted to come here first to ask you what you think before i say or if i say anything to her. most of me says that it will be a huge lb if i say anything. i'v been trying to plan a very good but if shes still seeing om it makes me feel our situstion is hopeless. <BR>i know from past experiences (not affairs) what its like to have an addiction, and i know that you can fall backwards for a while but when its your spouce having sex wtih om how am i supposed to react?<BR>do i need to talk to her and say look i know this is going to be hard for you and i know that your going to backslide but if youd just let me know when you do see om you will see how loving and caring and how much im going to be here for you when you fall and just how judgmental i'm not going to be when you tell me . <BR>that sounds to me as if i'm ok with it all but i'm not . i want her to stop this now and come to me before she sees om.<BR>maybe thats where im wrong. should i let her do these things and just bite my toungue, if thats what you think i should do then so be it. but how long do i give it? <BR>right now i dont trust her a bit . how do i start to trust her. stop snooping. stop looking for her failures and start looking at my own. i know that i do have some responsibility in this affair , but i didnt put her in the bed with him. <BR>thanks for the vent .

I think it takes time and prayer to get over bitterness and anger. What I have learned is that you may never trust your spouse fully... but you can learn to put your trust in God. That is what has kept me going for the past 2 years.

thanks falula, ive been trying to put my trust in God completely and have done a fair job , but sometimes i just fail miserably and my mind starts to wander off. i know that God has and will take care of all that i need but you probably know from your own experience just how tough it can be sometimes to let it go to Him. <BR>sometimes i wonder if it would do any good to employ some of the tactics i used to catch them in the first place , just so i can see if shes really not seeing him anymore , but then a part of me says let go let God handle this its too big for you to try and do anything about it. He will take care of you. its real hard but i know that i will make it through this with His help. thanks for the encouraging words falula.