On Friday, July 20 I gave the letter from Trueheart to All WS to H to read. I got home from work was going to take girls to H parents for family get together. The said they went to movies with OW. This is the second time. I was upset. I asked H he said he was going to tell me about it. I told him I asked him once not to do this. I said no more but if needed I can get an injunction on this but to save embarrassment I'd rather not because this is public record. He said he read the letter from Trueheart he said he just cried. He said it made him think. But then he still went into the fact he will probably be divorcing in his own way. He said he's felt a void and unhappiness for a long time. I asked him what he did about it, I NEVER knew this. Then he said OW has filled this void of an emotional and sexual need. He said he felt bad bringing the girls to movies with her but the same sense he had the time of his life. <P>Saturday I went back to bring H mom her birthday present. H called said we had NO water. Well problems. I got home around 11:15pm. H never came home. He stayed at OW house.<BR>The repair people for the well showed up at 7:10am. They said we needed to dig a new well. Cost $6,000 - $10,000.<BR>Since I was up all night with a sickness in stomach I wrote a letter to H. Telling him I loved him but I was not going to help him have this affair. I told if he chooses that than he can't have me and that both. Until he can cut off all contact with OW and concentrate on working on marriage he was not welcome here. He could have a contact person to arrange seeing the girls everyother weekend. When he came home at 8:45am with messy hair I told him that he was not welcome here. I gave him the letter & told him the well story. I said good-bye. Walked in house. He came in house & said again to face the fact we're getting a divorce. He should have done it years ago. He's been living in hell for so long. He doesn't feel it anymore for me. I asked again what he has ever done about it. I told him about what our girls did infront of family. They said they went to movies with OW but they didn't like that because they didn't want her there they wanted mommy. One of our other twins woke up last night too screaming daddy..daddy..I went to her bed side told her mommy was here she said daddy mommy's gone where is she, where's mommy. It took awhile to settle her down. I'm not sure why she had this dream. I also told him I talked to lawyer again he said I am basically screwed. I would not get enough for our girls to go to private school. I would not go to public schools in our area. I would have to move back to home town again. H got in a really rude mode. I shouldn't have said it but I asked him what OW kids must be going through with a married man staying at their house with mommy. I would not allow that in my house. I told H to go. He got a shirt & started toward the door. Then he went to sit down in the chair. I don't know exactly what all happened but he started to cry. He said he's scared to stay in marriage or even try because he scared he will have all of this pain back again. He doesn't have the energy to try nor does he feel he wants to. He sat by me on couch. he said he knows what he exactly has to do, go there and cut off all ties with her. He said it will kill her though. He said it will break her heart. (I have read ALL the letters and cards she has given my H since June 01) She REALLY wants him LONG TERM.. She says a family there loves him and wants him. She wants to raise there children together. All she wanted was to have someone cherish and love her. She said my H is EVERYTHING she has ever wanted in a partner. She wasnt to mark a journey with him and walk with him to more special and happier days. My H basically thinks he's NEVER been happy with me. I was alway angry and never let him do anything. I alway freaked out about things and never fulfilled his emotional needs for a long time. Well all I can say is I worked full-time he full-time third shift, just bought an acreage that needed LOTS of work then we have twin girls. This all happened since 1995. He said it's just not there anymore. His heart is somewhere else. He has search his soul trying to find those feelings for me. <P>Anyway, he was really thinking about NO contact with her and free mind and work on marriage. Then he said he must be so Hollow he can't bring himself to think about it. He really had a hard time. He cried and cried. He could see the many advantages but the right away backs away with fear and doubts. Then he went back to moms to talk to her.<P>He came home and ate then fell asleep in chair. What do I do? Kick him out as letter says until he committs to marriage, Or what would I do to do Plan A or B.<P>Lovemess

Oh, LoveMess, you certainly have a tough decision to make. I'm in Plan A with a WS who wishes to make our marriage work therefore I cannot relate to the Plan B type of arrangement although I know that any and all plans to get the marriage back on track are difficult. <P>Plan B, to my understanding, is for you......so that you can protect what love that you have for your H without having his ongoing A thrown in your face at every turn. This is a time for you to do for yourself and your family. Let him go and find himself. But an effective Plan B must be followed consistently as does Plan A. <P>Look inside yourself and make a decision based on what will work best in your situation. Wish that I could be more help, but I'm learning along the way just like so many others. <P>Take care and be strong.......<P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B><p>[This message has been edited by GeezLouise (edited July 23, 2001).]