Well, I've been trying to do plan a but its really hard. She informed me Sunday she doesn't want to go to counseling anymore cause at the last session the counselor kept telling her that she had to cut all contact off with the om. She said she felt ganged up on and i told her we could look for another counselor and she said that she didn't think so right now.<BR>So i told her that we needed to continue to talk and tell each other the truth. I told me she needs to tell me when she wants to call him instead of sneaking behind my back and she didn't understand why that would help me, i just said that it shows me that it doesn't mean more than it does. But i went to the counselor last night came back she was depressed so i wondered what happened so i pressed*69 and it was his number he called, he was going out of town for a couple days. She didn't tell me about it so this morning she knew i wanted to talk about something and i said i knew he called and she questioned how i knew and asked me what happened to me trusting her and not checking up on her anymore. She said she didn't tell me cause she didn't want me to be hurt or angry and i said it would have been better to tell me. She was upset with me before she left for work. Before she left i told her i am fighting with a lot of things inside of me and she said she knew that and told me that she doesn't want to hurt me. She also said that she isn't happy right now. She also said if i don't trust her how do i think things are going to get better like i say i believe they will(she said this with an attitude) Big lovebuster!!! I went up to her and hugged her and told her that i am going crazy and i love her. She said your not the only one going crazy and she said she knows i love her. I than backed up and touched her face and said that i will trust her from now on and i know my actions are louder than my words. I really need to work on the love bank these next couple days before he gets back.<P>She called me and asked me to do her a favor and i did it of course. I wrote her a note explaining some of the things i am going through and what she means to me and in it somewhere it says that i love her so much i can let her go if that will make her happy.<P>I don't know if i'm going to give it to her cause it might be another love buster.<P>Please give me ideas,<BR>Derek<P>P.S. I should have came to this site instead of confronting her this morning but hind site is 20/20.

I gave my wife some of the notes i wrote to her- others i just keep myself.<P>Dont worry about your mistakes- just avoid them, its a long ride- keep the faith.

Derek,<P>Make sure the notes don't have love busters in them. I know you are in withdrawal... and I don't even have my W home... but the concepts of no Love Busters still applies to you too!<P>Check my posts on being in a "pure" Plan A...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/011233.html" TARGET=_blank>First session w/ Steve Harley</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/011275.html" TARGET=_blank>Second session w/ Steve Harley</A>. These both are long... but everyone says informative!<P>Minimize the Love Busters! <P>It sounds like your doing pretty well. Keep us posted! <P>Jim

Derek,<P>Has your W done anything to formally break off from the OM?<P>Is she ready to break off relationship with spouse (Plan B letter on pages 80-81 of SAA)?<P>Jim

Derek,<P>I think there needs to come a time when you stop checking to see if the affair/contact is still going on. It prevents you from being stable and doing plan A. The emotional upheaval is really hard to deal with.<P>Only concentrate on A, not getting your needs met - there is time for that later. Only concentrate on not doing anything to hurt your wife or make her frustrated with you. Eventually the OM will do his own lovebusting, and things will get back to normal.<P>Check out the post by NSR, and also look at his first and second sessions with Steve Harley. It may help you gain new momentum.<P>tnt