I would appreciate some advice/feedback from anyone out there who may have experienced this. My H of almost 12yrs and I have been seperated nearly 5 mos., I have been trying to plan A but seem to continually fail with the LB's. H doesn't know what he wants at this point and then I get mad or emotional and we argue creating more problems. As much as I would like to plan B I feel as though I am addicted to him and cannot realisticaly stick to this plan. I see H everyday or at least talk to him on the phone. He comes by whenever he feels like it. I am not consistent and he knows this. I need help any advice?

Cybil,<P>I'm experiencing similar issues. And I wonder if I'm not addicted to my H also? My H knows that he wants our marriage but continues to iterate that he needs to phase-out the OW slowly because she is in bad shape, and to please be patient with him. <P>DDay for me was 4/1/01 and I was in plan A until this last Sunday. We moved into plan B at my insistence. Unfortunately, I'm having a hard time refraining from no contact from my H. And so is he. But as soon as I remember that he is in contact with OW, (contact with OW is only by phone and not physical at this time) even though he says that he loves me and wants our marriage and our family, then I remember how hurt and angry I am. But God, it is so hard.<P>Any suggestions from others who have been here and have successfully gotten through this difficult time? And does it get any easier to be away from your spouse when both of you love each other so much?<BR>

cybil:<P>Consistancy is the one hallmark of a good Plan A---it's the most important thing. <P>Two suggestions:<P>1. Make your changes sustainable---you're committing to them for the rest of your life. Elimination of lovebusters is the top priority. If you're spending time trying to meet his needs and getting frustrated (because you're off target), then back off, and focus on the lovebusters. Also, antidepressants can often help smooth out your emotions, and give you time to "think before acting". <P>2. I found that Steve Harley coaching me once a week and providing feedback was a very effective way to deal with my lack of consistancy. I knew about my lovebusters for years, but I always claimed that they were just the way I was, and I couldn't do anything about them. A month working with Steve had me 90% of the way there---his feedback and motivation was invaluable. You might want to give the phone counseling here a try (888-639-1639 for appointments), or find a local counselor who can buy into your plan and help you with accountability.