I have also posted a question in general questions regarding whether my wife and I should have moved away when we had the chance. <BR>So far the concensus is that moving away for her to resist temptation for the OM is like putting a bandaide on a 6-inch cut.<P>My wife has become frustrated with me because I would not accept another position at a less desirable location and job. Her contention was that moving away would give us the space to rebuild. I am too scared to move. Too scared because I may give up my job, my home, friends etc. to move somewhere else where the underlying problems may still exist. If we end up divorced there, what is left? <P>Now we are separated. I did not know about MB nor did my wife want counselling. Therefore, I had no ideas on how to learn to rebuild trust, how to forgive, or how to stop hounding her (smothering her as she calls it). My wife thinks counselling is not worthwhile. It didn't work for some other folks, why would it work for us is her logic. Everything I tried to learn to do was from friends and family. Some of the opinions I sought were from divorced people because they were so easy to identify. Bad idea.<P>Where am I in plan A/B? I am seeing a professional counsellor today for the first time since shortly after my wife's EA. Should the plan be for me to get better and feeling better about who I am?. I started 2 days of anti-depressants, but again my wife thought that weak (while she was still home) so out of "respect" for her (ha!) I threw them away. <P>I've got to get better for me right? Except for mundane business-like conversation regarding the kids, I need to leave her alone right ?

Welcome <B>modelt</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Where am I in plan A/B?...<BR>...the answer is that it is your choice!!! <P>We normally recommend a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... for about 6 months...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>Do/should you hound your W?...<BR>...no... but every effort to show her (not tell her but show her by your actions)... that you will have a longterm improvement following Plan A changes in your life should be your goal.<P>It's want everyone (man, woman and child) wants in their earthly realtionships!!!<P>As far as anti-depressants go...<BR>...1. they are not a panacea<BR>...2. they take time (4-6 weeks normally)<BR>...3. <B>they are necessary some times</B>!!!<BR>The emotional impact of the destruction of a marriage, can result in chemical imbalances!!!!... and they can/should be corrected... for at least a temporary duration.<P>It's OK to admit you are weak...<BR>...it's not OK to leave it at that...<BR>...<B>be the best you can be</B>... stick with Plan A for as long as you can!<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>