Dear group,<P> I'm new and this whole thing is a little overwhelming. I'm working with Steve (alone) and am in Plan A although I don't know that my husband has cheated on me. If he has, I think it may have been one-nighters which don't seem to be the same thing as full-blown affairs. <BR> The whole thing came to a head about six weeks ago, when I found on the Internet history that my husband had been searching for, and finding, escort services in our area,plus the three areas he would be in within three weeks. He said it was just curiousity, but my gut and my head don't buy that. Plus, I found what may be lipstick on his pants. How to tell.<BR> At any rate, since March I've been following the Surrendered Wife program, which basically helps women eliminate love busters. It was a lot of work. But seemed to pay off because after six months of zero sex, I suddenly had a sex life. <BR> But, I have no answers to my questions. Why was he curious about escort services, and a few months before dating services? Why did our sex life evaporate for four years, only to suddenly reappear? I cannot form a picture of what our marriage has been about without some of that information.<BR> Plus, he won't read any of the books I've bought, read and studied. He won't talk to Steve. If I try to bring up any principles, he just tells me why they won't work. He even attacked Steve's credibility.<BR> But, he's quite happy with me in therapy with Steve, and with my own psychiatrist and with me on anti-depressants. In fact, he said he didn't see any problems with our marriage.<BR> And you wouldn't believe what I feel tempted to do: have an affair! And I hate that about myself. I'm disgusted with myself. And with him.<BR> So, to a concrete question: How long do I spend in this "plan A" mode? I feel so burnt out now! And it's only been six weeks. I'm so full of rage. And I'm totally p.o.ed at God. My prayers alternate between desparate pleas for the kind of love I used to have to horrible rants at the injustice (or justice) of life.<BR> Any inspiration would be greatly appreciated. <P>Thank you so much.<BR>Anne

Dear Greengables,<BR> I'm relatively new also. I have an appt w/SH but not until Aug 7. If you read posts here a lot you will find that what you are feeling is not unique. In other words, you are not alone. There are so many of us suffering with you. It sounds like you are doing a great job. Your H is probably still in the fog. I sometimes can't believe I can get through one day much less months of this. I, too, pray a lot and hold that hope that one day I will be protected from all pain by the One who loves me most. I also beg God; it is hard to calm down and just trust. I don't have answers for you but just encouragement. I'll hang in there if you do.<BR>LMH<P>------------------<BR>Rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, persevere in prayer. Romans 12:12

Hi,<BR>I'm new to this as well. I really want to make this plan A work but it seems really hard doesn't it? My H is very cynical about therapy, reading up on stuff etc. He says if it works for me, then do it, but it won't work for him. He just needs to be left alone and not hassled. The answer hasn't come to him yet via his approach however. This makes me feel as though it is me doing all the work. Is this how you feel as well? I'm going to try really hard to wipe out love busters and pay lots of attention to his EN but it gets you down doesn't it when they continue to do what they are doing. Hang in there and let us all know how you get on with plan A. It seems like plan A is really hard and we all need to help each other out with it.<BR>God Bless,<P>Wounded One

Just a quick post to you all, from another relative new poster. I've been reading for about 3 months, mainly on General Questions II, you find there that you are not alone in what is happening to you, and it may not solve your particular problem, but it does help to re-assure you that the response you are recieving from the WS is quite normal, even if it doesn't appear like it.<P>Stay positive, and read!<P>mands