Well, is it? D-Day, the 12th of June. Since then, H wavering. I've spent the past 2 weeks traveling with him while children have stayed with friends and relatives. Kids are 17, 15, 13, 12. First week was pretty good. Second week wavered between good and rather die than go through any more. We came back home on weekends. OW works for our company. She's quitting end of August. Any business has to go through our office manager who knows all. OW is still contacting H. He gets back to her then. I have started plan A but H insists we go to Retrovaille Aug 3-5. <BR> So many questions. Please help. On the way home he asked if I were glad I came with him these past few weeks. I said yes, it was nice being with him. I asked him the same and he said it was nice having me with him. He tells me he loves me and says he really does mean it. But he's so addicted, and she's just waiting till he comes 'back' to her. I know this because he gave me his e-password and his v-mail code. She left messages on both. He went out to get a movie for the kids and was gone a little long. I know he got the message and probably called her. Do I confront him? Remember, he can't yet recommit.<BR> While he was gone tonight, my sister called and told me our niece told her my 15 year old D is smoking pot. I searched her room and 17 year old S room and found cigarettes in both but no pot. Tomorrow I will get drug testing kits and they will be dealt with. H and I are working together on this. <BR> Am I in Hell? With all the people out there getting killed in car accidents, why can't OW? Will I go to Hell if I wish that on her? If I'm already there what difference does it make? So, is this Hell? If not, I'm going to liquidate assets, take my 12 and 13 year old sons, and disappear to some place where noone can ever find us and pretend none of this ever happened. Maybe I can protect them because I've failed miserably with the rest of my family.<BR>LMH<BR>LMH<P>------------------<BR>Rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, persevere in prayer. Romans 12:12

LMH,<BR>You can't place all the blame on yourself. You haven't failed your family, did you also make your husband's decision to have the affair? No,and this is not hell. I know at times it feels as though it is. I feel your pain, we all do. Please try and hang in there continue to Plan A. I'll be praying for you.<BR>Cybil

Dear Cybil,<BR> Thanks for the encouragement. I found out that none of that stuff about my kids was true. We got to the bottom of it and they are doing okay, staying on the straight and narrow so far. H told me that he doesn't know what he'd do without me and that he loves me. He also told me I'm gorgeous, something he hasn't said since college. He asked me if I'd become Mormon. I told him that they don't practice poligamy any more. At least he doesn't feel like he can that easily let me go. We go to Retrovaille this weekend. I can't stop losing weight. Will anti-depressants help that? <BR>LMH<P>------------------<BR>Rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, persevere in prayer. Romans 12:12

Lovemyhusband,<P>How did Retrovaille Go? I am looking into going with my wife If I can get her to go. I am the WS and want so badly to save my marriage.<P>Thanks,<BR>MarkC

Hi,<P>It feels like hell for me quite a lot at the moment as well.My husband has, however said he doesn't think he loves me anymore, and my teenage son is skipping school due to bullies, but I'm still hopeful! I've just started plan A today. D Day was 13 April, but I've only just found this sight a week ago and have realised that I've commited so many love busters that plan A can really only just start now! I hope you'll hang in there. I'm still trying and I've got to get him to fall in love with me first and then stop phoning the OW! It does help to know that others are going through the same thing doesn't it. Hope it all works out for you,<P>God Bless,<BR>Wounded One