I posted this same question in the General question forum and then found this one for PlanA/PlanB. Thought this is the more appropriate place.<P>My H & I have been having trouble for several months and last week he admitted to an EA with OW. He refused counseling, but told me he is willing to work on the marriage. I am so glad to have found this site and have read, and read, and read and have begun to practice Plan A. So far, it seems to be working ok. I know this is a long road, so I'm not expecting miracles overnight.<BR>My H is one of those that never remembers birthdays, anniv., 1st dates, etc. I have realized during our long conversations since his admission, that he has forgotten so much of the good times we have shared - the 2 of us and as a family. <P>I had been considering, even before the admission, about leaving him little notes or even a picture every now and them to remind him of our good times (i.e. "can you belive 8 years ago today we found out I was pregnant" or "came across this picture of "K" (our child) at the fair last year, I'm sure she will want to go again this year") Is that a bad thing to do during Plan Aing???? If I mentioned these things in conversation as opposed to a note, would that be ok???<P>I'm also wondering if I should ask him to complete any of the marriage building questionaires during this time???<P>One of his complaints is that we don't do the type of things we used to "when we were good together". I was the one that always planned the weekends away, dinner/movie nights, etc. We haven't done these - without the entire family - in a long time - dinner yes, but not much else. Can I plan those things now, or would that be too pushy? <P>We used to call each other everyday during work days. His job became more and more hectic due to a promotion and so our conversations that used to be "just seeing how your day is going" became purely fuctional - I only call him when I need to ask a question about our child or plans have changed about time of ballgames, etc. I really quit the "just because" calls because he quit them. There are so many times during the day I would love he hear his voice. Is it ok for me to begin to call him again??<P>Those are the things I used to do - the way I have changed is not doing those things any longer, so if I begin to do them now, is that fulfilling Plan A by realizing how I have changed and correcting it????<P>Please give advice !!!<BR>Heartbreak25130<P>

HB<P>I am not very good at linking and thought they would be good for all to take a look at so I brought a very good post to the top for you to read.<BR>NSR has done his research and knows what he is talking about! <P>The things you wrote about seem like good ideas. From what you are saying, those little connections seem to be an EN of your H.<BR>Be forewarned though, sometimes it's too much at the beginning - it's really something that you have to feel out.<BR>Love notes, secret dates, reminders of good times, will all make a big difference but if your H is still "in the fog", he may not even notice right away.<BR>I haven't done the research on your story (sorry about that), so I'm just curious, if the affair is indeed over? This will make a huge difference in the longevity of the fog your H may be in.<P>Anyway, read the post I brought to the top about plan A and remember one thing that helped me with plan A is to think of it not as a plan to win back my H but a plan to work on myself - becoming a better and stronger me I called it Plan Nicole - you can call it Plan Hb<P>God Bless

PL,<BR> Thanks for the response !! I didn't find the link, but I have seen a post from NSR before about Plan A 101 -- I printed it earlier today and will read it after work this evening. I am hoping for lots of good advice.<BR> I continue to say this over and over -- I can't belive the amount of information and support I have found at this site -- it is truly a wonderful comfort. <BR> To answer your question - I don't know if the A is over or not. D-day was last Wed ( a week from tomorrow) and last discussion of the A was last Thursday. At that time he said he hadn't spoken to her since the confession and I haven't pushed the issue since. There have been 2 oportunities in his schedule for him to have seen her, but I haven't ask the question. <BR> I will read up on the Plan A 101 tonight and hope all my questions will be answered. I think you are right about just judging when to make and what type of suggestions to make to him, based on his reaction. I suggested for us to go to a movie this coming or the next weekend and so I'll see how that goes. <BR> This early on, I am praying that Plan A will save my marriage -- but I do know in my heart that I want it to help me become a better person and correct my failings. I know that if my marriage does end, I will be a better person for this process !!<BR> Thanks again for the response --<BR>Heartbreak25130