Brief history:<P>Married 2 1/2 yrs. Relocated for a job 6 mos ago. W joined me 3 weeks ago. W had difficulty finding a job. Caught W having phone conversations with M 'friend'. Argument ensued, now separated and W living with her mom. I am not sure whether any physical infidelity occurred, but my self-protection kicked in and I flew her back home to avoid being hurt. Bad decision on my part. This is the 3rd or 4th time she has had this type of what I perceive is infidelity(phone conversations) in the last 9 yrs. My therapist says the does this to make me suffer for what she feels is my neglect toward her(not fulfilling her EN). Therapist also asks why I married her after knowing her pattern, and I said I thought marriage would change it. Wrong again. Now I am trying to decide whether to try and work it out or give up and move on. I still love her immensely, and she says she still loves me as well. One of our problems is that after we reconciled after the previous incidents, we never discussed an approach to preventing it from happening again. All I got were promises, which are never kept when someone feels neglected and wants to get back at the other person. I know what the plan will be if I want to get her back, and I am patient enough. However, I don't know if it will be worth it to be happy together for a couple more years before it happens again. My complacency with regard to my focusing on her ENs is the root of the problem, and I guess I need to figure out a way to change that. However, I also don't believe it's right for her to strike up a secret relationship(telephone or otherwise) instead of discussing with me that I am not fulfilling her ENs. Can anyone give me feedback as to what you think I should do? Or if I manage to get her back will I be able to prevent this cycle from happening again if I continue to satisfy her ENs?

Hi, <BR>I'm new here as well and my husband is phoning the W he previously had the affair with. I also know that he phoned her for about 9 months before the affair as well. (I've given this just as background info so you know where I'm coming from). It looks to me as though for many couples the stuff on this sight has worked although it must take a lot of patience and careful thought about what to say and do. If I was in your shoes, I would move back to be with her and then try really hard to fulfil her EN. I'm sure that somewhere on here there is advice on how to stop this happening again. Isn't it about both working on EN etc.? Anyway, I hope that some others will give you some helpful advice since I'm new to this.<P>Good Luck,<BR>Wounded One