Brief history:<BR>Married 2 1/2 yrs. Relocated for a job 6 mos ago. W joined me 3 weeks ago. W had difficulty finding a job. Caught W having phone conversations with M 'friend'. Argument ensued, now separated and W living with her mom. I am not sure whether any physical infidelity occurred, but my self-protection kicked in and I flew her back home to avoid being hurt. Bad decision on my part. This is the 3rd or 4th time she has had this type of what I perceive is infidelity(phone conversations) in the last 9 yrs. My therapist says the does this to make me suffer for what she feels is my neglect toward her(not fulfilling her EN). Therapist also asks why I married her after knowing her pattern, and I said I thought marriage would change it. Wrong again. Now I am trying to decide whether to try and work it out or give up and move on. I still love her immensely, and she says she still loves me as well. One of our problems is that after we reconciled after the previous incidents, we never discussed an approach to preventing it from happening again. All I got were promises, which are never kept when someone feels neglected and wants to get back at the other person. I know what the plan will be if I want to get her back, and I am patient enough. However, I don't know if it will be worth it to be happy together for a couple more years before it happens again. My complacency with regard to my focusing on her ENs is the root of the problem, and I guess I need to figure out a way to change that. However, I also don't believe it's right for her to strike up a secret relationship(telephone or otherwise) instead of discussing with me that I am not fulfilling her ENs. Can anyone give me feedback as to what you think I should do? Or if I manage to get her back will I be able to prevent this cycle from happening again if I continue to satisfy her ENs?<P>

Hi! Welcome! Sorry your circumstances bring you here, but you are in the right place, and posting is the right step to take!! <P>Is there any way you can schedule a phone counsleing session with the Harley's? They will give you much better and more professional advice. Other than that, please be sure to look at the Just FOund Out Forum for the welcome message, read the prinicples on the MB web-site (which I can see you're familiar with EN's, etc). In my opinion, WORTH every word because it will HIGHLY increase the chances of your marriage surviving.<P>I definitely won't recommend that you give up on your marraige. Read around on these forums (especially General Questions II) and you'll see tons of people in similar or worse situations fighting for their marriages and succeeding!<P>Read about Plan A and begin implememnting it immediately. it is about working on yourself, meeting EN's of your W, and avoiding love busters. <P>These principles will prepare you for reconciling with your wife, and how to work on preventing the problems to occur again. It will take BOTH of you long term to make your marriage work, but you can get started right away and make some improvements. <P>First step, scroll down this forum a bit and read the Plan A - 101 post by NSR. <P>So , I think I tried to answer your question, <BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Can anyone give me feedback as to what you think I should do? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>. Decide that you can give these principles a try before throwing in the towel. Sounds like your marriage is definitely worth saving.<P>hang in there! Read and post often!<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

Hi,<BR>I'm sorry you have to be here. I don't really have any advice for you besides what Faith gave you. I just wanted you to know you have been heard and I'm sorry for your pain. The good news is that by following the plans on this website you can make great strides in improving your marriage. If you aren't able to save it, you will know you have done everything possible. You should re-post your story on the General Questions II part of the forum. There are tons of people on that site, and you will probably get more responses.

Thanks Faith and Jenny for responding. Sometimes I also believe that my marriage is worth saving, or I guess I wouldn't be here looking for advice. Take care and keep hope alive!