sorry this is long. my H and i have been married for 20 years. H had A 10 years ago, and it was short lived, i confronted and he admitted immediately. Within several weeks to 2-3 months, he lost his job, nothing to do with OW. I was calm and just told him he needed to think about what he wanted, and it ended up, me. It has been a long hard road, i admit that. But he has never expressed until recently that he made a terrible mistake. I have had hard times in dealing with all of it. I am soo paranoid that he is doing it again (assuming). Not happy to share that unfortunately, we have been arguing. He swears that he is not having A, and will look me straight in the eyes. I really want to believe because he confessed so quickly before, but he also knows how much it has hurt me, and still does to this day, at times. I have anxiety, and here lately that does not help a bit, so i am going to counseling to make myself better and get a grip so i can quit accussing him of something now that he swears nothing is happening. I really feel that nothing is, but its all those feelings that keep creeping up from years ago. So is Plan A a option for me to take to get rid of these fears and get over 10 years ago. I really love this man, and don't want what was a fantastic relationship end because of the past.

i forgot this part, when i was being Honest with him on a question he asked, we did good for a while then it ended up a small argument, that he if fact had a letter he wrote me 10 years ago about the affair and how he felt. He said one day maybe he would give it to me. Would that help make a difference now, i think so, but maybe just reaching for cure. It hurts so bad, can a person really get over it?

I would say absolutely Plan A. Plan A, although the concepts are to meet your H most important ENs, it is also about you. Rebuilding you as you rebuild your marriage. Your H chose YOU. Maybe he would be open to the ENs questionaire.<P>As far as the 10 year old letter? I don't know. At this point it might just bring back those old feelings you are trying to get rid of. Maybe when you are stronger.<P>Welcome to the site. You will find alot of support here. Try and read everything you can about MB concepts. I admire your strenghth over that past 10 years. I suggest starting today with a clean slate. It could be that other factors in your life are causing these feelings to pop up, or it could be the feelings were never resolved. I don't see how Plan Aing could hurt your situation. It should improve your relationship and you.<P>Good Luck

Thanks. I bought the book "surviving a affair" in the beginning thinking maybe it would help with the past. I guess all i can do is hope he will do the questionaire. I have read alot of post in the different categories, and i can't believe all the people with the same problems. Again thanks!!