I don`t know how anyone does plan B I know how it is suppose to be and I know what it is suppose to do, however, I find this to be the HARDEST thing I have ever done. <P>I can`t seem to get a grip on myself. I think I have cried more now then during the A. H has gone because he can`t make a choice about our marriage. He says he can`t forgive himself for what he has done. <P>He works with the "her", however he does not see her everyday as he is on the road most of the time. It is over but, I think he is having a hard time accepting that fact.<P>He is, of course, still in the fog and he feels he will never get over this whole mess. I feel I did a pretty good plan A, not perfect by any means, but pretty good. This has been going on for 18 months now and I just can`t take anymore. <P>H was going to leave on 2 other occasions but, just couldn`t do it. I do think he needed to go or we would have stayed where we were. At least something has happen.<P>The thing is our son doesn`t understand what I`m trying to do and he keeps trying to throw us together at every corner. He has been with his Dad every night since Tues. I don`t have a problem with him seeing his Dad but, he needs to undrestand that Dad has to see what it will be like if we are not together. How do I make him see this? <P>I need advice on this soon. WE all of us are going to a end of the season baseball party today. I know it`s not in the plan but with kids I feel it is almost impossible to do.<P>I would be grateful for any help. <P>

ilovehim<P>I want you to know you are not alone. I just went to plan B yesterday. I was able to talk to our sons (12 & 19). My 12 year had some problems with it but I explained to him him that it was nothing he did and that it was betewwen his mother and I. Luckily for me since he is 12 he seemed to understand what I was saying to him. Also, having a 19 year old around helped too. I also took this a step farther and went to talk to her parents. I have a very good and strong relationship with them so I felt I needed to talk to them before I left so that I did no have to come back later to explain myself. It went realy well with them. They were in total shock and were very upset with their daughter. Her mom told that she does not want this to affect the relationship that I have with them no matter what happens. This made me feel better about what I was about to do. Hang in there and keep posting. It helps to talk to others going through the same thing.<P>Spiceman62

Hi ILH. Gosh I know it's hard. I've just started Plan B and find it very difficult too! I know exactly what you mean about the no contact, but with the kids it seems impossible. I want to be very strong and make my husband see what his life will be like with absolutely no contact w/us but it's hard and equally hard for me. Why does this have to be so complicated? I'm sorry I have no advice to give you I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your situaton. Good Luck and hang in there!<BR>cybil

Thanks for the replies. My son is 11 and I have tried to explain this to him. I feel it fakks on deaf ears because he just wants to "fix" it for all of us. <P>H went to his parents house and they want the marriage to work, but no one in that house talks to each other. I think it would be the perfect time for one of his parents to sit him down and talk to him. That will never happen so i shouldn`t even think about it.<P>I guess we are all in the same boat and just trying to make it.<P>Thanks for your encouragement

ILH try and be strong you have come this far and again I know what you mean by the parent thing. My In-laws don't want to get involved and it infuriates it!!! My family on the other hand does want things to work out and are very supportive of me but they are losing their patience with this ongoing saga. Everyone wants to give you advice but no one wants to be involved. They can all put their 2 cents in and then go on with their happy little lives! Sorry just needed to vent a bit!!!<BR>cybil

ILH and Cybil,<P>I guess I'm the odd man out here because my in-laws are actually on my side. They are very upset with there daughter. It hasn't really helped here though. MY wife sent me an e-mail today and is ready to move on the the big D already. This really sucks, but this is what I expected from her. Even being ready to hear this it still really hurts. I guess what I'm trying to say is even if the in-laws are with you nothing will change until the WS decides to change also. Hang in there ladies as will I.<P>TTFN<BR>Spiceman62

cybil,<P> I to have my family on my side, they all think my H will come to his senses and return. Oh how I hope they are right. We went to the baseball picnic today. Not one person there would think there was anything wrong with us. I get so mad that he can act like that in front of people but not try that hard at home. I just don`t get it.<P>spiceman62, <P> So sorry to hear that your wife is making that choice. I really feel for you. My in-laws are on my side. They just won`t or can`t talk to him.<P>His brother had an A and they did D. Now he tells his ex that he wishes he could talk to my H and tell him not to screw up like he did. She tells him to go ahead and tell my H that and he says I just can`t do it. Now do I have to wonder why my H can`t talk to me. They all have a problem with communicating.<P>Oh how I wish he would just tell my H how awful he feels about the whole mess. I should tell you his A partner had an A on him hmmmmm... gee I guess what goes around does come around!<P>

Hi Ladies,<P>Well it's been about a week since we last talked and a lot has changed around here. The weekend was pretty rough. Got a few flame mails from my wife then something must have clicked and she wanted to talk. We had a very good talk then I went to my parents for a visit. Got back Thursday and my wife and I talked again that night. She is ready now to try to reconcile. We are going to remain seperated for awhile, but we will keep seeing each other, Kinda like dating. This sounded like a good idea, a way for us to make a new begin and help us to get throught the pain of the past. So I am feeling quite good at the moment. I hope you 2 are doing better. {lease let me know how things are going.<P>Spiceman62

Hello,<P>I have been posting on the Divorcing boards for a couple of months now but yesterday I made the final decision to start Plan B so I came over here for some ideas/support.<P>Can those of you who are in Plan B let me know how you are doing? I am certain I am doing the right thing for me and my kids but I am extremely worried about my H. He is clinically depressed and very confused.<P>Thanks for any help you can offer. I'm off to read surviving an affair.

spiceman62,<P> I`m so glad to hear that things are looking up for you. Things are looking up for me to, H came home after only 5 days away. He said he was wrong. He said he never gave me a chance, that this is not him at all (a bit of reality comeing through hmmm) that he just can`t tear this family apart. <P>I sent the plan B letter to the ow and she called him on Fri. to tell him she got a letter. I asked what that conversation was like and he said there wasn`t much more to it than that. Ya right, but I din`t push for more information. <P>On Tues. he told her he had returned to his marriage. He said she became really angry, wished him good luck and that was that. At this point he is very depressed and not doing much in the way of any repair work. I will give him time to get over the worst of this then I will insist on using the Harley plan and get started on recovery. He will not go to counseling, at least, not yet.<P>I just hope that I didn`t let him come home to soon. I have to say I was shocked that he came to this decision so quickly. Hope all goes well for us both. I will be thinking and praying for us both.<P>Peoplepleaser,<P> My H and I counseled with Steve for a short time and he said confused is right where we want him to be. He said if he is confused then he isn`t sure he wants the marriage to end. That is a good thing. All I can say is he was right about us. My d-day was Jan of 2000 so we have been living this nightmare for a very long time. Their contact continued by phone and they work together. H is on the road now and not in the office like before. He told me she avoids him like the plauge (sp). I just hope that is true. Keep me updated. You will be in my thoughts and prays as you all are.

ILH,<P>That's great news. I'm glad things seem to be going in a positive direction. My wife and I have decided to stay seperated, but to start "Dating". I'm hoping this will give us back some of the things that we have lost in the past years. I like to think of it as a New Beginning.<P>Have you or your husband read Harley's book "Surviving an Affair". It has a lot of good info that you both could use.<P>Finally I don't know if you're a religious person, but one thing that helps me to keep going is to pray to God to give my wife and I the strength to continue down the path he has put in front of us. <P>Good Luck<P>PeoplePleaser, Hang in there. There is bound to be depression on both sides of this thing. Plan A as much as possible and stay away from LB's at all costs. If there is something there to come back to your husband will try to come back.<P>

spiceman62,<P> I pray everyday for the same things you do. I don`t know where I`d be if I didn`t have God in my life. My faith has seen me through to this point.<P>I was going to do the dating thing too, but when he said he was coming back I forgot all about that. I really hope it works for you.<P>I have read "ssa" a number of times. H started it but never finished it. Maybe now he will. Keep me posted on your progress.

I think that an important thing for you to remember that those of us that are going through with this and working with MB and Steve are the strongest people around. Keep your head up and remember that you are much stronger than the average person for going to Plan B and keep your head up. You are doing the right thing. I will continue to get easier every day.