Hello,<BR>I found out about the affair in April and although my H swears that he hasn't seen the OW since the end of March, I know, and he knows that I know, that he is still in contact with her over the phone. My H works away from home Mon to Fri and she was working with him (and other things!) between January and March this year. Anyway, after reading the stuff on this sight, I've realised that some of the ways in which I've been handling the situation have haven't been as good as they could have been, because for every positive thing I've achieved, I've committed a rather large Love Buster! Plan A therefore has only really started today. Just one question. Although my H says that he's not sure what he wants to do about the situation, and cannot bring himself to lose contact with the OW at the moment, he seems to be making lots of plans about our future in this house which seems strange if he isn't sure whether I feature in the future. We only moved here in March (yes half way through the affair) so there is work to be done on decorating etc. but the other day he made a comment like "Maybe we could take out a loan to get all the electrics brought up to code, It'll be worth if if we are going to be living here another 10 years or so"... Why would he say that if he didn't know deep down that his future was with me? Does he really know that deep down his future is with me, or is it some sort of trick to keep me quiet? It was only last Saturday that he said he didn't think he loved me anymore, yet by Wednesday he was saying this! Anyone else had this sort of thing?

Yes, I'm also in Plan A. H still has contact with OW, but makes plans with us for the future. He says he is confused about what to do with his life, his relationship with me, and his relationship with OW. I don't have much advice since I'm new around here. The best thing I can tell you is to keep Plan A'ing because your H is in a "fog" right now. We all makes mistakes, we are human after all. I know that's not much help, but you are not alone and there are many people on here that will help you along. I've found this a great place to vent and get support. Wishing you luck.<P>Anna

Is there anyone else out there with a reply to this?

That has described my situation to a t<P>------------------<BR>lizzle

My H is still in contact with OW. Will not even tell me he is sorry. I get so confused by his behavior sometimes I can't stand it. He does not like it when I try to talk to him. Says he is leaving but has said that for a year. D-Day for me was July 9. Blames me for everything. I want so bad to stop this and have to realize that I can not stop it. That is something he has to do. Tells me he no longer loves me, but in next breath he does not love OW. I have asked him for us to get counseling but won't do that either. I know the guilt is tearing him up and there is nothing I can do about it. We have been married 10 years and I am so confused. I will get counseling. I think I am doing a good job with plan A. I come here for comfort when I feel down and need help. I have read SAA, and have just ordered another book with more info. That is my salvation at this time.<P>At this time the WS is so confused they don't know what they want. They just love how the OP makes them feel. So the BS look bad to them in their eyes. It was said somewhere on this site that they are braindead. Well I do beleive that. My H acts like it. He is depressed and won't do anything about it. Must be some macho thing I guess.<P>Hang in there with the plan. They are so lost at this time. Good luck and God Bless.

Hi still love him your H sounds as if he is my H twin its almost word for word on what mine is saying although mine is now living alone in our caravan because i just cant cope with the heartache of him being so distant to me and knowing the OW is getting all the love i used to get im so desperatly in love with him i just dont know what to do.<BR>If you want to read my story its in recovery wrong place i know now<P>------------------<BR>lizzle

It is difficult to know whether they start making plans for the futute just to cheer you up and throw you off the scent a bit to "shut you up" or whether at that particular time when they start talking about the future (with you in it) its just because for a few minutes they do have some good feelings towards you and momentarily forget what they have done...maybe this is what"inthe fog" means...Doeas ot ever lift though?