I've read in posts about Plan B letters--is there a Plan A letter? Is there someway that I can convey to H that I love him and want to work things out without running him off? All I basically want to say is as long as there is any hope I will be there trying my best (or something along those lines). I also want to let him know how sorry I am for the things I have done to him. No mention of A or any specifics really. I want to let him know this without pushing him or scaring him off. I just want him to know I'm here and I love him.

dumplin,<BR>Just to let you know I have not seen a Plan A letter, however I have used words and sentences I have picked up from reading on here, and put these into a number of cards. I've only started to do this in the last month or so, and I guess I felt it was a way of trying to re-assure my W after we had talked, and express my thoughts to her in a way that would not frighten her off.<P>Sort of topics I have covered have been:<BR>1. Always been available to talk to, at any time of the day or night<BR>2. Acknowledging that I have not being meeting her needs, and I am sorry for this<BR>Saying sorry for the fact she has not being happy for the last few years<BR>3. Quite a bit on how we can form a stronger marriage than we have had before, by not forgeting what has happened to us, but using this to our advantage etc etc<P>I personally gained a lot from reading about those WS who have posted on the forums, particularly [H] on GQII, but he hasn't been around for a while. There is someone on that board now, a couple of us are waiting for a reply, on what made him return to his W. All these posts help us to see the sorts of things they saw, and may be the one thing we need to create / say in order for our spouses to return. The post where we have asked for a reply is written by Unan, on GQII.<P>Hope you may be able to take something from this small post.<P>mands

I wrote my wife something you might call a plan A letter. I was prompted by a discussion I had with a friend, telling me of a friend of his who wrote his estranged wife a letter in which he described his hopes for their life together.<P>I wrote to her of my hopes for our future, both separately and together. I didn't go into any of the difficulties that have prompted our split, other than to acknowledge that we are different people and say that I felt we had learned a lot from one another and still had more to give to each other. I acknowledged that I know she can't see a future for us together right now, but that I did, and hoped she would someday.<P>I e-mailed it to her while we were both out of town separately. She received it on her return, and she didn't mention it for a couple of days, but then she told me it was "beautiful," and mentioned it in a counseling session. It didn't change the world, but it was honest and it affected her, which is all one can ask.<BR>

Thanks for the help! Let me know if you hear from Unan please.<P>Anna

Basically all my contact w/H has been through letter, so you could say I'm just Plan A'ing by letter! When he left, he also wrote a note, saying he wanted D, papers were in the mailbox, and to correspond through "our attorneys". Only trouble? I DIDN"T HAVE AN ATTORNEY!!! Didn't need one (WASN"T READY TO D.), and couldn't afford one! So I ignored that part of the letter (basically ignored it all!). I now write to him regularly. There is NO face to face contact, he lives w/OW 150 miles away.<P>In my first letter, I said the same things you did. I apologized for a lot of stuff, not too detailed, but he knew what he was p*ssed at me for, and I knew too, so I apologized for not "fixing" those things before now. I did NOT say that I would fix them, and would he come home. I did NOT lay out any "conditions" for *us*. I just wanted to "clear the air" and say the things to him about my part of letting him down as a W, that I should have said a long time ago. <P>Since I was "sure" he didn't want to hear from me again, I let about 6 weeks go by before contacting him again. Then I wrote to him, telling him just stuff about how things were going, general stuff.....nothing about "us" or asking about HER or anything!!! This letter seemed to be well received, according to his son!! H basically told (S) all about the letter, reciting it to him almost word for word (I talked to his son and he told me what dad had said, and it WAS almost word for word what I had written!). So since I was sooooo *pumped* from that news, I wrote him another letter, 2 weeks later (just this past week), so I don't know how this one was received or what his reaction to it was. It was a little more "personal" and talked a "little" about *us* - BUT NOT about getting back together. I just mentioned that I knew how he felt, lonely and unhappy before he left, cause I was feeling that now, and I knew he didn't do it to me deliberately, since I knew he would NEVER do anything to hurt me deliberately or viciously (all true!) and that to do this hurtful thing, he had to be in a lot of pain, yadda, yadda. Again, wished him well, reminded him I'm praying for him to "make good decisions" and asked him to seek God's will for his future, as I was.<P>Hope this helps ya! <P>Lupo<BR>

Thanks Lupo! My H is still at home and I'm sticking with Plan A. I am wondering if a letter would be too much or what I should put in it. I'm afraid to smother him right now. I think that's why I haven't written anything yet.<P>Anna