Hello.<BR> Faith, Trying, Trusting, Orchid, Lor, others - I need to know what some of you think about this.....<P>I have been "Plan A'ing" by mail since my H moved 150 miles away to live w/OW and changed cell # so I can't contact him at will. He IS receiving my letters, and seems genuinely happy to get them, but no reciprocation as of yet.<P>Here's the question: I had major surgery last summer (colon-resection for colon cancer - they got it all! Thank you, Lord). Now it is time for annual check-up, and I really DON'T want to go through this alone. It is a relatively minor procedure, but it conjures up all the STUFF from the surgery last year, and they COULD find something left over...<P>In my next Plan A letter, would it be a big LB (or just too soon) to ask H if he would come and go through this procedure here with me? I mean, I could tell him I don't want to go through this alone, etc. BUT he knows that isn't totally true.....my sister is here, and can go with me. My best friend lives in our town and could go with me.....<P>but if truth be told, I WANT *HIM* here!! He was with me through the whole surgery and recuperation, and I want him here during the check-up surgery.<P>I know some of you have daily contact w/your spouses....keep in mind that mine LEFT - totally left. NO WORD, NO contact, nothing since May 18. This is a major step to ask him to come over here and do this for me. I think it might open the door to new communication between us, but I also don't want to make him feel "pushed" or pressured. 'Course if this was a major LB for HEr, it might be worth it! <P>Lupo

Hi there lupolady,<P>Just a thought...<P>Being "needy" is a sign of weakness... and co-dependence.<BR><B>This is not what you'd be doing</B>!<P>Your need here is not a sign of weakness...<BR>...but a true request of compassion!<P>Go ahead and ask...<BR>...but as always in Plan A... lower you expectations!<P>You most certainly have my prayers...<BR>...for health and peace.<P> <P>Jim

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by NSR:<BR><B>Your need here is not a sign of weakness...<BR>...but a true request of compassion!<P>Go ahead and ask...<BR>...but as always in Plan A... lower you expectations!<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks for your response, Jim. Here's what I think I'm going to do. What do you think of this?<P>I'm going to "mention" the procedure in a letter to him. NO pressure, NO asking if he'll come. I'll just figure out a way to leave it open that I wish he were here with me. Maybe: "I understand that his schedule may not permit him to be here, but I wish he were here, as his presence would comfort me a lot. That I'm concerned about the outcome, and it's a rough check-up." <P>That way, I don't have to worry that up to the last minute I have NO one to go with me (I don't want to wait for a reponse from him before asking my sister or someone else to go with - not fair to them), and if he wants to come, he will do it totally on his own, with NO PRESSURE from me.<P>After all, HOW would he let me know if he did or didn't want to do this? I don't even know if he's "up to" talking to me yet. This sorta "forces" him to call me, and I'm not sure he would. If he did not, then I'm in limbo over whether or not to ask someone else. I might wait too long, and it's not fair to ask someone to go out of their way like this virtually overnight. I need to let them adjust their schedules, too!<P>Just thinking out "loud" here. Anyways, thanks for your reponse. I'll keep in mind about sounding "needy." Although I'm pretty sure OW is very "needy" - according to SS (health problems), and one of my H's Spiritual Gifts is "Helps" and EN's is feeling "needed." I guess I didn't "need" him enough. <P>Lupo