Been separated(by the pacific ocean) for 5 weeks now. WS says she will see a therapist this week for the first time and will let me know if she decides to divorce me or stay with me and try to work it out. We will be apart at least 10 more months(she signed a work contract). I have called her 3 times so far since she left with no LBs and letting her know of my improvements since I've been to therapy, etc and she responded positively. Problem is she is arranging a trip to OM that she has been friends with for years but was never romantically interested in until now. She doesn't know I know, so I am acting ignorant and not LBing at all. I have sent her flowers once(good response back) and two letters(no response at all). She called me once to tell me my financier was attempting to get in touch with me. Also sent me an email for the first time. Wondering if I should call her or not, or just wait for her to call me with her decision after seeing her therapist. Any ideas?

Frequent contact is a good thing...<BR>...as frequent as you can... without LB-ing...<BR>...and only <B>you</B> can tell if your LB-ing!<P>Sometime... when the situation is appropriate...<BR>...go for the "honesty" route...<BR>...and let her know your being hurt by her relationship with the OM (unless you have convincing proof... you don't have to call it an EA... maybe just an emotional relationship). If you know it is an EA... call if for what it is. She probably can't handle the truth now... but if things work out... your truth to her will be important in the future! Your truth to self... will always be important!<P>My prayers to you...<P> <P>Jim

Hi,<P>Not sure about this one. My H (WS) works away Mon to Fri and when he is at home we've been getting on fine since I started plan A. Its much harder on the phone to guage what sort of a mood they're in. I've had some really good conversations with him on the phone, when, luckily I phoned at a "good time" when he was in a good / talkative mood. Other times I've phoned and wished after that I hadn't. If you phone them when they're having a bad day or have had a bad day at work and feel grumpy you run the risk of thinking that they're grumpy with you and its really hard then not to LB. This happened today. I managed to catch him on his mobile just as he was leaving the office. He'd obviously had a bad day and was V. tired, hungry etc. so didn't want to talk long. I felt sort of sad and rejected afterwards and began wondering whether he was in a hurry to get me off the phone so that he could phone the OW. Therefore my advice is this. DO PHONE. But if she's in a bad mood or seems distant, don't take it personally like I seem to. Just judge whether its a good time to talk or not and if its not, then don't push it. Try the next day or ask her to phone you when she's not so busy? tired etc. I've caused lots of LBs by trying to force my H to have long conversations on the phone when he wasn't in the mood! Only you will be able to guage whether she's in the mood for a chat or not.<P>Don't know if this is any help but thats my experience anyway!

Regular calls are good - probably every third day or so and keep them REALLY short. It is really hard not to LB if the call goes for more than a couple of minutes mainly because our WS's are being so unreasonable and they're hurting us.<P>Remember - keep it short and be nice. Let OM try and meet her needs. He will eventually crash and burn. Then she will want to come back. Timing is everything - either you will grow apart from your WS or she will want to come back.<P>Keep praying and doing things for yourself. It's going to be hard.<BR>