I'm wrestling with this one and could use a little feedback. My wife and I separated on 06/28/01. We've had frequent contact,sometimes several times a day, and just went to shore for a week w kids, for example. <P> But wife is in love w OM; he loves her. Plan a is not without borders, I find her company very disruptive. ( She refuses to show love, or shows affection out of what I percieve to be guilt. She is usually very friendly, though, and lies, lies, lies. Constant contact w OM) I have a very hard time w this; I mean how can we really plan A while SO is loving another? It shows we'll "accept anything"; and indicates a lack of self respect also, IMHO.<P> Steve has suggested that I welcome the opportunity to demonstrate the change that plan a is supposed to demonstrate. I've done a pretty good job so far. But "hanging on " to stay in the plan is a real killer, it seems to leave you in a place where you stay reactive to the nonsense the WS brings into the BS life.<P> So, I'm torn between trying to continue in the plan and "ignoring" self respect/ personal recovery. Or cutting contact and refusing church invitations, etc in an unacceptable situation.<P> Wife and I have 2 kids. Her and OM seem to be heating up. He is recently divorced (@ 3 weeks). <P> Any thoughts? <P> <P> <P> <P>[This message has been edited by Family Man (edited August 13, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Family Man (edited August 13, 2001).]

I fully encourage you to continue Plan A. While it's hard to do, your goal for Plan A is to meet WS ENs. Your self respect and personal recovery can't be the main motivation to Plan A. It really sucks and hurt alot but you'll find that if your Plan A is successful, your self respect and peronsl recovery will fall into place. While my W (WS) ended all contact 1 month prior to confessing, don't stop trying. Plan A IS HARD, but the rewards make it so worth it. Plan A saved my marriage, it can save yours.<P>Good luck...<P>------------------<BR>...Keeping a stiff upper lip. Life begins on the other side of despair.<BR>-Scarlet Pumpernickle<BR>s_pumpernickle@yahoo.com