My WH decided to move out. I'm not sure why. I've been plan-Aing it for 2 months and we get along great. Yesterday H tells me that when he sees OW he feels attracted to her. H also admitted to kissing her on recent occasions. H feels that I could do better and that I shouldn't have to put up with this. He is really busting on himself and feels like $h!t because he can't control his feelings for her. I think he wants to move out because he wants to see what he will miss( we separated once before for other reasons, and in 2 weeks he was begging me to come back). OR could it be that since OW lives nearby and is constantly keeping an eye on our house that he feels as though this is too tempting for him. I don't know I just really need some serious advise here. Is he trying to end the A? or Is he trying to get away fromme, even though we get along great? Are we going into Plan B, by H's williness to move out? Should I avoid as much contact with H as possible? H still wants to have sex? Can I do that in PlanB? I'm upset about this.<p>[This message has been edited by M&J (edited August 13, 2001).]

I suggest you stay in Plan A for a few more months.<P><B>feels like $h!t because he can't control his feelings for her.</B><BR>That is such a crock. We all have feelings we can’t control. It how we ACT on those feelings that matter! (don’t tell him Plan A)<P>Plan B is NOT about your husband. He has nothing to do with you in Plan B until he agrees to end the affair & do what is necessary (counseling, plan to recover, etc.)<BR>Plan B is about taking care of yourself.<BR>No you cannot have sex with your h in Plan B. Yes you should avoid all contact with your h. No phone calls, talk, notes, messages etc.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Do you suggest that I tell him in a "plan A" kind of way ,that it is okay to have these feelings for OW, but just don't act on them?

No. He knows it already. Just be the best Wife you can be.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

You can only Plan A or Plan B... not both!<P>Check out...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000177.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B - 101 (2nd ed.)</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000413.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B - 201</A>!<P>Mixing the two never works!<P> <P>Jim

IMHO it sounds like your husband is trying to use the "you don't deserve this" thing as a way for him not to have to be the bad guy in all of this. You will have left him and you will have done the "bad duty" even in the event of his infidelity. Oh this makes me mad to hear! <P>He has one thing right, you don't deserve it. He can too control his feeling for this person by simply asking himself what is right. He stood before God with his marriage vows and he KNOWS what is right. Oh it would be hard to continue giving to him...especially when he tells you he still kisses the ow. Sheesh.<P>Cut him off from sex completely for your own health's sake. You must have more strength than I do because I would boot his sorry bunns out the door!<P>Don't listen to me, lately I don't know if I am coming or going. I hope everything turns out for the better. You deserve love, everyone does. {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}} Kera<P><BR>