Last night the truth came out in full force. W had sex with OM. How do you get past the images. I find it hard to even think about ever wanting her again. I do, but the images are too hurtful.<BR>

Ahhhh those images, they suck don't they?<P>The images are a living, breathing terror. They almost always start my downward spiral to an 'episode' of depression. Once they start, they are hard to stop. <P>Here's a few things I do that seem to work for me, maybe they can work for you. As soon as they start, I imagine a huge stop sign zooming into the picture and getting in the way of the image. Also, sometimes when they start I simply close my eyes, shake my head and tell myself to 'stop it' and immediatly try to picture a good image of my W i.e. wedding day or something pleasent. I guess everyone has different techniques, these seem to work for me. <P>Good luck and don't stop trying.<P>------------------<BR>...Keeping a stiff upper lip. Life begins on the other side of despair.<BR>-Scarlet Pumpernickle<BR>s_pumpernickle@yahoo.com

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Maituk:<BR><B>How do you get past the images.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Drugs.<P>Bob

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Maituk:<BR><B>How do you get past the images.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I know where you are coming from. I just tell myself to stop it. That will usually get rid of the nasty picture. I think that those images are the hardest part.<P>Indy<BR>

the images are so fresh. I know it will take time. I have pretty much eleviated them. <BR>I have done a lot of soul searching on this. <BR>Her affair has lasted almost a year. All the emotions and feelings. WOW. <BR>W still acts as if nothing has been done wrong.<BR>Talk about dilusional fantasy. <BR>The fog is very thick in her emotional abyss.<BR>The other night when she told me about having S intercourse.<BR>I asked her, by the way. I also asked her how she felt about it. She said " I was scared" <BR>I asked her why. She said it was new to me. <P>Here is a funny thing. After I had punched holes it the walls out of anger. Not anger for the A. but anger for the lies that I knew were true. <P>I wrote her a letter. Saying. Maybe you should stay with lover for a few days. I have a lot of rebuilding to do.<BR>I have to rebuild the walls, pay some bills, and rebuild our home and my life. <BR>She has now been there for 2 nights. <P>I think I kind of threw her off guard.<P>Before she left, I told her that I loved her, that I found her beautiful, and that I would miss her. <BR>"you take care of yourself for the next few days."<BR>I have a lot of work to do here.<P>She cried. I hugged her, I told her that I loved her. <BR>She, in a submissive voice, said, "I love you too."<P>I have begun rebuilding the damage I have done.<BR>I do have to say that, through all of this I have become quite proficient in the area of self realization of emotional and subconscience feelings.<P>The great thing about this, I am not angry, I am not resentful, I am not malace. <P>I wake each day and look in the mirror and say. " I am ok."<P>I also did write her a letter stating that I forgive her of her indiscretions. She is human. We make mistakes on decisions. <P>I know that her affair cannot be rationalized, nor be realized by illogical reasoning, nor justified. <P>I truly wish I had the time to relate to the readings I have studied in this matter. <P>The hard part is now that I have to be a martyr for this.<BR>Suffering for my principals.<P>I will endure.<P>I sent W a letter today. stating now that Her and her lover. <BR>Now that they have had S intercourse, the decision must be made. She has to aske her lover and herself. Is this just a sex thing, or are there true feelings here. If it is just a sex thing, objectives complete. She also has to ask her lover, where is he going to take this. Do the honorable thing.<BR>I stand by waiting for the chips to fall. <BR>I know that a relationship created on sand will crumble.<P>I have gave her the chance to ask him the question, and herself where is this going from here.<BR>I have life decisions to make my self.<P>

I feel that this is a pretty unorthodox method. <BR>But with my heart and soul in the right place. Either way. I win

This worked for me. Find some privacy and let the images come. Let them consume you. Scream, cry, hit and break things if necessary. Let it all out. This will be extremely painful but in the end it will be worth it. When you're done, the images may still be there, but from then on they will become less and less powerful. Trust me.

I did the same thing as CV. I allowed myself to go all-out with the images. Then I wrote down how they made me feel & what I felt I lost from my marriage because of them. Then I told my H exactly what I had written down so he would realize the seriousness of the "demons" in my head. As an example I would say "I cried today when I had an image of you kissing her." Or "I cried today when I saw a Bra advertisement becasue it made me wonder what kind of bra she wears & then I thought of you unbuckling it for her" etc... At time I got very graphic. I was fortunate that he always comforted me after one of my revelations. Once I knew that he knew what I was feeling & the kind of things he made me think about I was able to let it go. And just as CV said, the images dont hurt so much anymore.

I too am suffering with the images. My WH revealed his EA July 25 and that it was actually a PA on Aug 6th. I have never seen the OW and really choose it to stay that way - strictly for the images reason. I am having enough problems dealing with the images of them together and the running that my mind does with those images - much like Heart of Hope said above. I am so scared that if I had the additional image of her face to put with that I would have even greater difficulty. <BR> Also I am a heavy person (one of my personal issues I am dealing with while in Plan A) and if I see that she is much prettier than I, that will add to the self estem issues of the affair in general.<BR> I will pass along that my H and I were intimate over the weekned, for the 1st time since May. I had had such fear about this, what would his images be, as well as mine. And I will admit that thoughts of her were in my head at times, but I pushed them aside (with many of the same ways described above) and told myself, "he is here with me and this has been good between us before and can be again". I will also admit it wasn't the best experience we have shared together and truly for me was much like a 1st time - I felt we both wanted it, but it still was a little like fumbling through it. But we survived and I will just hope that the images grow more and more distant - during those times and just during a normal work day too.<BR> I hope no one takes offence to my frankness, but I thought that it might help if I share my thoughts after the fact (and while trying to still) deal with the images.<BR> I too agree with Heart of Hope that, in a non-threatening way as to not LB, you should share with the WS what issues you are having in recovery too, including the images. I haven't to a place that I am comfortable in sharing many of my images with my WH. Another reason is he has become quite honest with his statements/feelings since D-day and I'm a little scared that I don't want to know all that he might reveal to me if I tell him of my images - he just might confirm them to be true -- a complete other issues to deal with.<BR> Best of luck to everyone trying to deal with the images...we will get through this !!!!<BR>Heartbreak25130